It seems impossible now, but just months ago GCSE students like me probably all saw coronavirus as something far away, something not to worry about.
With pressure mounting as we came closer and closer to our exams, every lesson was a revision session in which we attempted to cram in as much exam technique as possible before our first tests. Interspersed between the mocks and sixth form prospectuses there was vague talk about a possibility that school might close – but to none of us did it seem urgent.
Looking back, there was a complete detachment between our reality and the reality we were watching unfold in the media. I remember doing my maths homework against the background noise of news updates about coronavirus cases rising overseas, and I remember my school installing hand sanitiser dispensers in classrooms. But rumours about schools having to close only ever felt like exactly that: rumours.
Now, three months and tens of thousands of deaths later, it’s difficult to imagine how this global pandemic couldn’t have been on my mind about as much as school. But in truth, coronavirus only really became real to me when I read that breaking news banner: ‘schools to close due to coronavirus’.
“It didn’t feel real, and yet it was still so clear this decision could impact all our lives for a long time”
I remember the immediate feeling of shock and confusion. It didn’t feel real, and yet it was still so clear this decision could impact all our lives for a long time. And so we waited and waited for information, any information, about what it meant for our exams that we had all worked so hard for.
Now, ‘remote learning’ has replaced what we thought of as schoolwork before. Essentially, it’s work that will be taken into consideration by teachers when deciding on an estimate for our final grades, as well as for schools to produce some kind of ranking system – which seems to have remained decidedly elusive and without explanation to us students.
Something that can’t be changed, though, is that all our learning is now done completely alone. All the ‘lasts’ of being at school had been fitted into the space of a few days, with no time to readjust. Everything felt so rushed, and things were happening faster than anyone had expected. All the goodbyes we thought could be put off for a few months had to happen then, that day.
Though I understand why our exams had to be cancelled, there was such an overwhelming sense of confusion because we all left school with absolutely no clarity what would happen to us next. Students asked questions of our teachers – are exams cancelled, or postponed? What will our grades be based on? Are there chances to change the final grade? – but it was clear our teachers couldn’t be sure of anything either. Those three years of work for the final exams, which now represent 100% of the final grade for the majority of academic subjects, were suddenly for nothing. And the uncertainty, most of all, of what happens next made the situation more stressful than it needed to be.
“Thousands of students like me are stuck waiting until the end of August to know what our future looks like.”
Even now, just going back to school in September doesn’t seem as certain as it should. Because places in schools and even individual subjects are usually based on the GCSE grades, thousands of students like me are stuck waiting until the end of August to know what our future looks like. Though the slowness of lockdown life has stopped some of the worry for the future, every now and then I have this realisation that results day is months away, and I can make no solid plans for my future until then.
For some of us, there is a sense that the untested procedures put in place to decide out final grades can’t be completely fair. For others, there’s a fear mistakes will be made and that we’ll never really know what we could have got if we had our exams. It seems impossible that any hasty method in these unprecedented times won’t be without anomalies. Who’s to say the result given to you won’t be one of them?
Before lockdown, the importance of these exams was drilled into us again and again. Now, the slightest chance of one system error undoing years of your hard work is terrifying – and a reflection of just how much pressure we heap on students like me.
It feels like I now have no control over the grades that could determine all my ‘next steps’: my A-Levels, maybe even university, maybe even my career.
Hanan Hussain is a GCSE student from Oxford
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