Last month, two-time Oscar winner Gene Hackman and his wife of more than 30 years, classical pianist Betsy Arakawa, were both found dead in their home in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Since then, the BBC has reported that the actor was alone following his wife’s death and he may not have even realised that his wife had died, as he had advanced dementia.
Officials in New Mexico say Arakawa, 65, died of a rare virus about seven days before Hackman died of natural causes.
This case highlights the importance of understanding how Alzheimer’s disease presents, and what we can do to help our loved ones living with dementia.
Bruce Willis’s wife has also spoken about the importance of checking in on carers
Bruce Wilis’s wife and carer, Emma, has spoken on her Instagram account about Gene and his wife’s passing saying: “I do really believe that there is some learning in this story about the tragic passing of Mr and Mrs Hackman.
“It’s made me think of this broader story. Caregivers need care, too. They are vital, it’s important that we show up for them so that they can show up for their person.
“There is a common misconception that caregivers have got it figured out.. I don’t subscribe to that. We need to be showing up for them.”
HuffPost UK spoke with Angelo Makri, senior knowledge officer for wellbeing at the UK’s leading dementia charity Alzheimer’s Society, to learn more.
What are the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease?
Alzheimer’s disease affects everybody differently, says Makri, so not everyone will experience the same early symptoms.
That said, earliest symptoms are typically problems with short-term memory, difficulties with language and communication or getting confused about time and place.
“A person may also develop problems with their thinking and reasoning abilities, including finding it more difficult planning or organising, or struggling to concentrate,” he adds.
With other types of dementia, such as frontotemporal dementia, the earliest noticeable symptoms are likely to be personality or behaviour changes, says the expert.
I’ve noticed the signs of dementia in someone, how can I talk to them about it?
It’s a tough conversation to have, as some people might be aware that something is wrong, whereas others may not be.
“The way the person responds will depend very much on their personality, so it is useful to think about what you know about the person to try to find a suitable way to broach the conversation,” says Makri.
This is likely to be a very sensitive topic, so planning ahead is essential.
“It often helps to mention signs that you have noticed and talk about speaking to the GP to investigate things, rather than talking specifically about dementia,” he says.
“There are many conditions which can cause similar symptoms to dementia, including vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems, urinary tract infections, and even things like stress, anxiety and lack of sleep.
“Mentioning those things could be more helpful than talking only about dementia, which may cause unnecessary distress.”
What can you do if someone has dementia but is in denial and refuses to get help?
It’s understandable that somebody who may have dementia would struggle to face the reality of their condition and the future ahead of them.
Makri does have some advice for anyone in this difficult position: “If a person is experiencing denial or lack of insight into their dementia diagnosis and symptoms, then this can make putting care in place quite challenging. Once again, it is helpful to think about what you know about the person and what might motivate them to accept different types of help.
“It can also be useful to think about past times that the person has been persuaded, and adapt that same approach to accepting help.”
However, if you still need a change of tact, he recommends trying to not mention the condition at all: “There may also be ways to provide help without needing to mention the person’s condition at all.
“For example, there may be technology in the home that could make things easier for the person such as electronic medication boxes, adapted telephones or remote controls, or even just putting signs on kitchen drawers if the person is having trouble remembering where things are.
“It can also be helpful to suggest trial periods for support. For example, ordering online shopping a couple of times to see if the person finds this easier than going to the shops, or having a carer come in for a quick visit once a week and then building up from there.”
Why is getting a dementia diagnosis vital?
While it may be intimidating, Makri urges that a diagnosis is essential, saying: “In the UK today, a third of people with dementia do not have a formal diagnosis, meaning thousands are facing the devastating realities of dementia without access to the vital care and support that a diagnosis can bring.
“At Alzheimer’s Society, we know that getting a dementia diagnosis can be daunting, but we believe it is better to know. Nine out of 10 people with dementia told us they benefitted from receiving a diagnosis, allowing them to access the dedicated support they desperately needed, plan for the future and avoid ending up in crisis.”
What is the support available to dementia caregivers and how do I check in on a carer?
If you are a caregiver, your local authority should be able to provide you with a carer’s assesment. This reviews what your needs are, and works out what type of support would meet your needs.
According to Alzheimer’s Society: “As a carer, the impact of dementia on your daily life can be challenging, and everyone needs support from time to time. Accessing care for yourself can help you to maintain your health and wellbeing and carry on caring for the person with dementia.”
You can learn more about this assessment and how to apply on the Alzheimer’s Society website.
Speaking to Thriving Global, Tzivia Gover said: “When I was helping to care for my mother during her ten years with dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease, friends and family members encouraged me to get support for myself.
“And I needed it! As my mother descended deeper into the disease, my stress level rose, and I felt helpless. My mood plummeted, and talking to someone one-on-one made a huge impact.”
For more information and advice, call Alzheimer’s Society’s Dementia Support Line on 0333 150 3456 or visit alzheimers.org.uk