Mother-in-laws get a bad rap, especially as far as online forums are concerned.
We previously wrote about the ex-MIL who wanted to take her 13-month-old granddaughter to her home country for three months (and wouldn’t take no for an answer).
Then there was the MIL who started weaning her grandchild, despite the baby’s parents not having started the weaning process at home.
There are a fair few horror stories out there, which inspired one Mumsnet user (who is a MIL herself) to ask the masses: does the perfect mother-in-law exist?
“What makes a good MIL? I have a lovely DIL [daughter-in-law] and am so glad my son married her. They have two lovely young child who I adore,” they said.
“How can I make their lives easier without being intrusive, but showing I do care, which I hope they know anyway.”
Here’s what fellow Mumsnet users suggested...
What makes a good mother-in-law
1. Being supportive and non-judgemental
“I have a lovely MIL. She’s always been supportive and non judgemental. I like that she doesn’t offer unsolicited advice, but is happy to give advice if I’m struggling. She always praises the kids and our parenting (I’m sure she has had negative opinions about our parenting/relationship, we’re only human, but she doesn’t voice them to us). Sometimes she’ll bring me a bunch of flowers or a pie or something for no reason at all.”
- Cherrytreat
2. Not being critical
“Mine is angelic. Non-critical, non-judgemental. Just very smiley. So positive. Adores DC [dear children] and very involved, but doesn’t interfere or try to take over. When she stays with us she does lots of cooking, and she is a fabulous cook. She’s just a ray of sunshine. Having her in my life is quite healing as my own mother can’t say a single nice thing about anything or anyone.”
- Sanabria2
3. Being kind
“Mine’s lovely. She’s not perfect obviously – I’m definitely not a perfect DIL [daughter-in-law] but we are both nice people (I think I am anyway) and we make a big effort to be kind to each other and see the best in each other. We are close and have a great laugh when we are together.
“She bigs me up, tells me how great I am, pours a large glass of wine, makes me smile, and loves my DH [dear husband] and kids to distraction.”
- Autumn38
4. Being actively involved with the grandkids
“My MIL is lovely. Not overbearing, interested and actively involved with her grandkids. Kind, generous, thoughtful. She also brought up my DH to be a good bloke – and he does his share of house work and is a really good dad.
“She also encourages my FIL [father-in-law] to be an active granddad, they are a good team. And she is fun and nice to be around on family holidays. She’s not perfect but I’m truly grateful to be part of her family.”
- MinnieMowse
5. Not offering unsolicited advice
“Mine is awesome. Loves all her grandkids & would do anything for them, would give them the shirt off her back as my dad would say. Genuinely interested in them, really engages with them. She is supportive, we know we can always ask her for help. She never criticises or offers unsolicited advice and she [has] a great sense of humour.”
- thejadefish