Gwyneth Paltrowβs lifestyle site Goop has taken on the subject of anal sex in its latest newsletter - and itβs an eye-opening read.
The actress-turned-editor interviewed Paul Joannides, a psychoanalyst, researcher, and author of βGuide to Getting it On!β, to offer readers a βreality checkβ on anal sex.
For Joannides, the way anal sex is represented in porn films is all wrong and βabout as real as how they drive cars in the βThe Fast and the Furiousββ.
The sex expert said there are three golden rules for making anal pleasurable.
Firstly itβs important for a person to train their sphincter muscles to relax, he said. This is because the muscles, situated near the opening of the anus, are there to stop humans from soiling themselves and βthereβs an automatic reflex if you push against them from the outsideβ.
Secondly, he said itβs important to use lots of lubrication (βas, unlike the vagina, the anus provides no lubricationβ).
Thirdly you have to get the angle right, βso you donβt poke the receiver in the wall of the rectumβ.
Joannides said they donβt show you these things in porn. βNor do they show communication, feedback, or trust,β he added.
βCouples who do not have excellent sexual communication, who donβt freely give and receive feedback about what feels good and what doesnβt, and who donβt have a high level of trust should not be having anal sex.β