Let’s get straight to it – heartbreak fucking sucks.
And sure, time is the greatest healer blah, blah, blah, but that doesn’t take away the fact that going through heartbreak feels like the slowest, longest and most painful experience imaginable at times.
And while the emotional toll of a broken heart is well known, its physical impact on the body is often overlooked. It’s then perhaps unsurprising that on TikTok, there are over 14.6 million posts under the search “getting sick from a broken heart”, and as cuffing season begins, Google searches for “broken heart stress” have risen by 372% as people try to understand why they physically feel unwell.
So what’s going on inside our bodies when we experience heartbreak?
HuffPost UK spoke to hormone health expert Mike Kocsis at Balance My Hormones, and as it turns out, all those horrible physical feelings we experience while grieving a finished relationship are thanks to the physiological effects of heartbreak on hormone levels.
How heartbreak affects your hormones
Fight or flight
When we go through stress, our bodies activate the “fight or flight” response to deal with it, where the sympathetic nervous system releases the hormones adrenocorticotropic and corticotropin. The hormones sudden release leads to the pituitary and adrenal gland to release adrenaline with the stress hormone cortisol. As these hormones make their way around the body, the body experiences rapid heart rate, a spike in blood pressure and shortness of breath.
Cortisol regulates your body’s stress responses. It’s released after the fight or flight hormones, so you can continue to be on high alert and be able to respond to danger.
However, if you experience chronic stress, like going through heartbreak, your cortisol levels will constantly be heightened, and this can cause difficulty sleeping, a weakened immune system and overthinking. All very familiar symptoms for anyone who’s experienced heartbreak!
Overthinking
Cortisol can affect your prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and emotional regulation, making it harder to put your negative thoughts and overthinking into perspective. This can lead to obsessive thoughts such as “why did it end?”, “was it something I did?”, “are they already seeing someone else?” and our favourite “did I make the right decision?”.
Oxytocin is known as the “love hormone” – it’s the hormone your brain emits when you’re bonding with your friends or falling in love, and promotes feelings of trust and calmness. But oxytocin can intensify memories, especially stressful ones, and like cortisol, oxytocin can strengthen that memory and make you more likely to replay it in your mind and ruminate on the negativity.
Neurological withdrawal
Dopamine and serotonin are neurotransmitters that are associated with pleasure, reward, and happiness, and are often associated with oxytocin and romantic love.
After a breakup, the brain’s supply of these neurotransmitters is lost, leading to neurological withdrawal, which can make us feel depressed, anxious, and isolated – and research suggests that people who have recently gone through heartbreak are more likely to drink more than usual and engage in one-night stands, in order to get that hit of dopamine. Yup, there’s a scientific explanation for your post breakup chaotic behaviour.
High blood pressure
Emotional distress during heartbreak can trigger the release of adrenaline, also known as epinephrine. This increases heart rate to deliver more oxygen to the muscles, and constricts blood vessels which increases blood pressure. Elevated adrenaline levels can also exacerbate “broken heart syndrome”, by putting additional strain on the heart and lead to more severe symptoms.
So how can I lessen these horrible physiological effects?
- Prioritise self-care. Engage in activities that reduce stress and promote relaxation - like yoga, meditation, deep breathing, and spending time in nature – that can lower cortisol levels, and improve sleep quality, which is important for hormone balance.
- Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can exacerbate stress and disrupt hormone levels further, so aim for seven to nine hours of good sleep each night.
- Limit alcohol. While it might be tempting to reach for a bottle of wine, it probably isn’t going to help – and it could actually make you feel worse. Alcohol can stimulate the release of cortisol, making you feel more anxious and depressed, and although it can increase dopamine levels, making you feel more relaxed, this effect is only temporary. Prolonged alcohol abuse can deplete dopamine levels, and even decrease your ability to experience pleasure.
- Do some gentle exercise. You might not fancy a full-blown gym session with a broken heart, but engaging in some gentle exercise is a powerful tool for managing your hormones and improving your overall wellbeing. As well as being a distraction from negative thoughts, exercise can regulate cortisol levels, and stimulate the release of endorphins, which are neurotransmitters that reduce feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress.
- Seek support. Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through; social connections can help reduce stress levels and feelings of isolation, positively affecting your hormonal health. Consider speaking to a therapist, who can provide the tools to cope with the emotional stress you’re going through, and improve your overall wellbeing.
Help and support:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
- CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.