“The chase,” is a crucial part of a relationship for several couples. This usually occurs at the start of the relationship and it’s very much revolved around the thrill of that person.
When you’re chasing someone you’re making sure you see them all the time, calling them at night, essentially doing anything and everything to ensure that the person knows you’re interested. But when the person you’re dating suddenly stops pursuing you, it can ring alarm bells.
You’ve gone from spending everyday with that person to suddenly being ghosted within a space of days. It’s not a nice feeling, so what should you do when the person you like stops chasing you?
Sabrina Alexis Bendory, a relationship expert and author of ‘You’re Overthinking it,’ says the end of the chase is an inevitable part of the relationship, but the way you respond says more about you than your partner.
Bendory suggests working on your self-esteem. “If you do this, most of your relationship problems will just solve themselves,” she says.
Next, she says you should try and relax (which is easier said than done). If you’re anxiously attached or have low-self esteem a sudden change in behaviour can be triggering. You’ll ask yourself questions like ‘What if this person stops liking me?’ ‘Have I done something wrong?’
However, Bendory wants women to know that “if he’s not chasing you anymore it’s not a big deal.”
“The chase has to end at some point, so instead of wondering ‘what did I do?’ ‘why isn’t he chasing me anymore?’ you should spend more time worrying ‘why do I care?,’” she adds.
Someone who wants to be with you will make the effort to maintain the relationship. “Give him some space to pursue you, you can show interest that’s fine but you have to give him the space to pursue you, stop initiating text messages, stop initiating plans,” Bendory says.
Let your partner put in the work because if you don’t then you’ll be the one making all the effort in the relationship. On top of this, Bendory says women should watch their energy. “Don’t be so desperate and needy,” Bendory says.
Instead, she wants women to practice this mantra: “I am okay, I will be okay no matter what, if this guy doesn’t want to chase me anymore it just means he isn’t the right guy for me,” Bendory adds. What will be for you, will be for you. If he doesn’t want to chase you, it’s his loss.