The holidays are upon us, and that means hosts and guests alike will stress over basic things such as who’s cooking and what the guests should bring. But if you’re a person who has dietary restrictions — anything from being a vegan to being lactose intolerant to being kosher to having food allergies — how do you navigate the holidays? What is and isn’t acceptable etiquette? Thankfully, several food bloggers and food writers have the answers.
“As someone who plans a lot of menus and hosts a lot of dinners, I regard it as an affirmation of friendship and support to accommodate and celebrate my guests’ dietary restrictions,” said Brian Theis, author of the book “The Infinite Feast: How to Host the Ones you Love.” “I even think of it as an inspiration and a challenge.”
Communication is the key to success.
Hosts should communicate to guests that they should share any dietary restrictions ahead of the event, and guests should feel comfortable doing so.
“I’m a food blogger who is vegan, and the holidays are always an interesting time,” said Diana Edelman, who founded the blog Vegans, Baby. “As someone who has been vegan for almost a decade and vegetarian for even longer, I always let the host know I’m vegan in advance and offer to bring something.”
The same goes for the host. “For the dishes the host won’t be able to make vegan, for example, it would be good to let the vegans know this beforehand,” said Jem Mantiri, a vegan and lactose-intolerant food blogger behind The Fruity Jem. “This way, guests with dietary restrictions can plan accordingly. Or they might even offer to bring their own take on that dish to share, making your job as a host a little bit easier. On the day itself, please also let your guests know which dishes contain allergens so that everyone stays safe.”
“By fostering open communication and understanding between hosts and guests, everyone can enjoy the holiday season regardless of dietary restrictions,” explained Sheila Walker-Carroll of Graceful Living Health and Wellness, an online coaching service. “It’s important to create an atmosphere of inclusivity, ensuring that all guests feel welcome and accommodated.”
Guests should have an option to bring their own food (but it shouldn’t be mandatory).
“It’s not rude to bring your own food, as long as it’s handled appropriately such as asking the host first and making a dish that others can enjoy, too,” said Olivia Wyles, who has a blog about the keto diet called Easy Keto Recipes Made For Real Life. “It’s also important not to draw attention to yourself. Make it about the event and not your diet.”
Mantiri also agreed it’s good for a guest to bring their own food as long as they tell the host what their plan is. “Bringing your own food and sharing this with others also often sparks curiosity and creates a conversation about those dietary restrictions and chosen lifestyles,” she said.
Jeanine Donofrio, founder of the food blog Love and Lemons and author of three cookbooks, has years of hosting experience. “I always encourage guests to bring a dish to share,” she told HuffPost. “Of course, someone can eat beforehand if they choose to, and if that works best for them, I get it. But as a host, I like to offer something for every guest, regardless of dietary restrictions. No one should feel like they have to eat beforehand.”
Not everyone agrees with this, though — including Bloomington, Indiana-based food columnist Lynn Schwartzberg. “Bringing food into someone’s home is not a good idea,” she said. “If the allergies or condition is so severe that bringing one’s own food is the only solution, that person should eat in advance and simply enjoy the social event, perhaps nibbling something that fits their restrictions.”
Hosts shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate requests.
According to Schwartzberg, there’s a difference between someone who has dietary restrictions vs. those who don’t like certain foods. “Most cooks respond well to accommodating a true dietary restriction,” she said. “Sometimes a guest may share a personal dislike. I would not feel compelled to accommodate this. Adults can just grow up.”
Theis once found himself dealing with an array of restrictions during a weekend group of guests. “We had two vegans, one gluten intolerant, and one person who could only eat entirely plain proteins and vegetables with no soy, legumes, or pretty much any other seasonings,” he said. “I made a vegan-friendly spread for the whole group and special options for the guest with the seasoning intolerance, of course omitting as much gluten as possible.”
But don’t be afraid to have a grocery store or restaurant help with the meal preparation. “If you’re struggling to cook for every one of your guests, it’s OK to outsource some of the work as long as the institution you’re ordering from can guarantee that items are allergen-free as needed,” Donofrio said.
Have at least one dietary-friendly dish.
“In my opinion, if the host is aware of certain food allergies or dietary restrictions prior to the gathering, I believe the host should have at least one dish that can accommodate those restrictions,” said Gabrielle Lask, a food blogger who posts on Instagram and TikTok as Kiko_Eatz. “A salad is always a safe and easy choice. But I do not believe the host should have to alter all dishes to meet one person’s accommodations, because that’s not fair to the host, especially if the restrictions are self-chosen like being vegan.”
“I have found that creating a single menu rather than making something special for one person is the most simple and hospitable way to go,” Schwartzberg said. “For example, my partner’s son’s girlfriend avoids alliums [garlic, onions, shallots and chives] and is also a vegetarian. When they dine at our home, I create the entire menu as vegetarian without the use of any alliums. That way, the ‘problem’ guest doesn’t feel singled out with special dishes, and everyone enjoys the menu without any announcement about the accommodations.”
Downshiftology blogger and cookbook author Lisa Bryan has had several autoimmune issues. She’s found cooking whole foods has not only made her healthier, but it’s also the best way to approach the holidays. She serves proteins like turkey and prime rib and roasted vegetables. “I don’t serve up processed or packaged food ingredients, and I prioritise making all dressing and sauces from scratch, as those can be sneaking in containing allergens,” she said. “Long story short: limit foods with ingredient labels, and make more food from scratch.”
At the end of the day, remember the reason for the season.
We all stress about meal preparations around the holidays, and we want to appease our loved ones. Despite dietary restrictions, the act of gathering should be highlighted.
“In everything that you do, just do it with a respectful attitude, without thinking that your lifestyle is superior to others’ lifestyles,” Mantiri said. “Holidays are a time when people often reconnect with loved ones, so you definitely want to do things with kindness in mind. Share things that you are excited about, but do not force things onto others.”
“The most important thing is the company and memories made during a holiday,” Bryan said. “The tasty food is just a bonus.”