Heads down, headphones in – commuting can be incredibly impersonal. People rush to and fro with little awareness for those around them. The objective is to get to work, not make friends, so other people tend to get tuned out.
And let’s be honest, it’s much easier to sit back, close your eyes, and listen to your music than it is to approach a stranger who may need a little support.
It’s perhaps unsurprising, then, that a new poll has revealed nearly three quarters of people in the UK who have commuted to work by rail in a state of distress said no one around them did anything to help. Someone may be distressed as a result of a mental health problem or because they’re emotionally overwhelmed.
Some of the most widely shared concerns that prevent onlookers from intervening, according to the poll of 2,045 adults, include not knowing how to help, doing or suggesting the wrong thing, or assuming the person involved could react badly.
To coincide with World Kindness Day (13 November), Mental Health UK, which conducted the poll, is working with Network Rail to encourage people to help others on the daily commute. Their ‘Brief Encounter’ campaign aims to show that even short conversations can change someone’s life.
So how can you be a better commuter – and what could you do to help someone who may benefit from a little kindness?
1. Show others you’re happy to talk
Chris Zair, from London, became increasingly aware of society growing more insular, isolated and silent – especially on public transport – so he created Happy To Talk badges. Commuters can wear them to indicate they’re up for a chat with a stranger.
“A previous study found that short exchanges leave us, and the other person, in a more positive frame of mind,” Zair tells HuffPost UK. “Your friendly smile and quick chat, rather than putting your headphones in and looking away, may be the small dose of positivity that person needs.”
Perhaps wear the badge to show you’re open to conversation – or simply keep your head up, headphones out, and be more mindful of your surroundings.
2. Look out for signs of distress
Being aware of your surroundings will help you pick up on signs that a person may be in distress. They may look withdrawn, be tearful or upset, seem agitated or they might even put themselves in a dangerous situation. Sometimes, though, there might not be any visible signs at all.
Passengers are encouraged to pay attention to their gut. If something feels off or strange, don’t ignore it – act. In its simplest form, this could be a quick smile at a passenger, an acknowledgment that you can see they’re struggling. Or even just passing them a tissue if they’re crying.
3. Approach the person discreetly
The next stage would be to approach the person and discreetly ask if they’re okay – maybe even mouthing it to them, if they’re sat opposite you. You’re likely to feel nervous and that’s perfectly normal, but what you’re doing could make a huge difference to them.
You don’t have to completely understand what they’re going through, says Mental Health UK, and you certainly don’t have to find a solution to their problems. But what you can do is listen, if they’re willing to talk.
It might be that the person is simply feeling ill, in which case you can help them off the train, bus or Tube and get them further support.
4. Offer reassurance
If the person is clearly struggling with their mental health, the key is to be empathetic and non-judgmental, and not to change the subject or tell them to “cheer up” – the latter can make people in distress feel worse.
Reassure them that the feelings they have are temporary and they won’t feel this way forever, advises Mental Health UK. “If it feels right to do so, remind them that they are not alone.”
5. Ask the right questions
You may find it easier to ask the person questions. Have they felt this way before? If they have, how did they get through it last time? Do they have anyone they could call?
Try to repeat back their answers in your own words and encourage them to concentrate on getting through the day, rather than looking too far into the future, suggests the charity.
As you build up trust, it’s important to ask if the person is suicidal or not, says Mental Health UK. “You can ask this question directly. Ask them, ‘are you thinking about suicide?’ or ‘are you having thoughts about ending your life?’
“Bear in mind that asking about suicide won’t make it more likely to happen.”
If you need urgent support and are worried the person is going to hurt themselves, call 999. You can also call the Samaritans, available 24/7 on 116 123.
Useful websites and helplines:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (open Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on www.rethink.org.