How To Offer Help And Support During Labour

Sometimes the Internet can be a terrible place. But sometimes, it can really bring out the best in us.

A father-to-be recently asked the social media masses for help as he and his partner prepare for the birth of their child.

“What is one thing that your partner did, said or brought to the hospital that really helped you through your birth experience?” Dave Whiteside, a research consultant in Ontario, Canada, wrote on Twitter.

He added that he is an “expecting dad hoping to support his wife in the best ways possible,” who’s ready to take notes.

A big question for anyone who has given birth:

What is one thing that your partner did, said or brought to the hospital that really helped you through your birth experience? Expecting dad hoping to support his wife in the best ways possible here ready to take notes. 🗒️
— Dave Whiteside (@dave__whiteside) January 17, 2023

Among all the well-wishes for their impending arrival, the responses to his tweet ranged from super practical (bring snacks!) to the importance of advocating for birth partners when they’re struggling to advocate for themselves.

Whether you’re a prospective birth partner – or perhaps you’re due to give birth and want to send your partner some pointers – here’s some of the best advice we gleaned from the tweet.

1. Believe your birth partner when they tell you something’s up.

He believed me (that something was wrong) when the nurses and doctors didn’t.
— Lauren Gambill, MD MPA (she/her) (@renkate) January 18, 2023

2. Be prepared to advocate for your partner when they can’t advocate for themselves.

Nothing will go to plan. You have to be ready to help figure out what needs to be done *now*, when she might not be able to, and medical folks may not listen. To calmly press for clear explanations.
— Clara Jeffery (@ClaraJeffery) January 18, 2023

🥺🥺 this is sweet. I’ve had 3 births, 4 kids (one set of twins) and the best thing my partner did was listen and believe me and stand up to the nurses/doctors to support me. Also gave me all the ice chips, warm blankets, and made sure my family stayed away. 😌
— Janine Sickmeyer (@myfriendjanine) January 19, 2023

3. Familiarise yourself with the hospital bag so you know where things are when your partner asks for them.

Lots of great advice here about advocating & home care so I’ll add a random one: familiarize yourself with the diaper/hospital bag, especially if she’s packed it. If she asks for something or you notice she needs something, you’ll know what you have and where to find it 👍🏽
— Ginella Massa (@Ginella_M) January 18, 2023

4. Pack lots of snacks – for the labour, for the hospital stay. Heck, order a celebratory takeaway after the birth.

Something I wish we’d done differently: have some sort of snack or food available for her after. I was in labor a long time and couldn’t eat. By the time I gave birth the kitchen was closed and that one small turkey sandwich was not really enough for what I had been through.
— Amanda Deibert (@amandadeibert) January 18, 2023

Food. Even when i couldn't eat right away after my emergency C-section, I knew I had fries and a milkshake waiting for me the second I could. And they were glorious.
— Conz Preti (@conz) January 19, 2023

5. Be calm.

My husband was super calm about everything, which helped me to relax and focus all my energy on giving birth, rather than worrying about him. He also got me drinks and put pressure on my back when I asked him, which helped relieve the labor pains.
— Becky Morris (@beckyphilmath) January 18, 2023

6. Back rubs and massages are helpful.

He pressed on my lower back as hard as he could every contraction. The counter-pressure was the only thing that helped. I couldn’t talk much so it’s helpful to have one word before hand, that’s like—too much pain. Get a nurse.
— Allison Sanchez (@_A_Sanch) January 18, 2023

7. Get the music set up.

I made a labor playlist, for my various stages of labor. He took care of all of the music set up (speaker, charging, linking, etc). Also really good lotion (for me with minimal to no scent)
— Bethany Hedt-Gauthier, PhD (@BHedtGauthier) January 18, 2023

8. Bring all the stuff you need too.

Bring your own everything. And I mean for you, not her. My husband had a "migrane" after I gave birth (don't get me started) & had to beg a nurse for Advil, which she gave him from her purse. She couldn't dispense to a non-patient.
— Dana Freeman (@DanaHFreeman) January 19, 2023

9. Get to grips with the car seat ahead of time.

Advocate for her! Birth can be scary and there is a lot going through someone’s mind. Remind her to eat and drink after delivery. Don’t feel stupid asking questions of the healthcare providers - you will be thankful for it. Practice using the car seat, research car seat safety
— Ashley LEH-GAH-SICK (@ashleylegassic) January 18, 2023

10. If your birth partner plans to have a vaginal birth, learn about C-section (just in case).

Watch a video or at least read up in detail on c-section – just in case. I had an unplanned one 2 hours after arriving in hospital + my poor husband had symptoms of PTSD for many weeks afterwards bc he had no idea of what it entailed (2nd planned section was much chiller)
— Jean Hannah Edelstein (@jhedelstein) January 18, 2023

11. Pack some tiny luxuries for them to enjoy after the birth. Evian face mist? Yes please.

I'm gonna go basic on this: Bring tiny luxuries like gum, tic tacs, her favorite juice or sparkling water, her favorite chapstick and lotion.

These little things can make you feel human in the hospital and really take the edge off.
— Jesse Genet (@jessegenet) January 19, 2023

Evian facial mist. Sounds ridiculously diva-ish but was the most wonderful thing along with sips from iced water (through a straw) in between contractions.
— Katie Breathwick 💙💛 (@Breathwick) January 19, 2023

12. Bring drinks and snacks for the hospital staff.

You can support your partner by supporting the health care personnel responsible for her. Bring coffee and snacks, especially for the nurses and learners, especially if you're there overnight. Sometimes they're even too busy to pee, let alone grab a coffee.
— J⭕️nathan Hube℞ (blue checkmark) (@jhubermd) January 18, 2023

13. Be the person responsible for jotting down every nappy change and feed after baby is born.

Be the person in charge of keeping that insane list of times your baby has pooped or peed or eaten for the first few weeks they want you to keep (if you even do it). I still have that document and it's crazy and I'm so glad my husband was in charge of it bc I could never
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 18, 2023

14. Do help out with nappies as much as possible.

I didn’t change a single diaper while we were in the hospital. He did all of them and then handed the baby to me to feed. (He also did almost all the overnight diaper changes while he was off so all I had to do was feed).
Bring her favorite snacks for afterward.
— Diane, MS, BSN, RN, AE-C (@nurse_diane_d) January 18, 2023

15. Tell your birth partner how amazing they are after it’s all done – and keep checking in.

Focus your attention on her after the birth. Tell her how amazing she is for doing it & ask how she is feeling. Not just in the minutes after, but for days & months after too. All attention, incl the mom’s, diverts to the babies once they are born. Moms are left to recover solo.
— Tatiana Prowell, MD (@tmprowell) January 18, 2023

16. Help keep track of their aftercare in the days after the birth.

Be responsible for her aftercare. If a doctor comes in and says “this medicine every x hours,” write it down, give her the medicine, remember to ask the nurse for it if shifts change. Also, go out for takeout. There is no law that she has to eat hospital food.
— Laura Norkin (@inLaurasWords) January 18, 2023

17. In the days and weeks after, be there for your partner as much as you can.

PS: My hubs was helpful at hosp but CRUCIAL in the early weeks as I recovered (i had unplanned c section). As much as you can, do feedings/changings, clean, cook, give grace as parenting decisions/duties shift. Carve space for her to sleep. Bring tea. Tell her she’s beautiful.
— Brooke Preston (@bigu) January 18, 2023

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