If you’re expecting another child soon (congrats!) then you might have had to field some pretty interesting questions from your other little one(s).
And top of every kid’s list of things to ask their pregnant parent, usually while pointing at their growing stomach in the middle of a supermarket or some other very public place, is of course: “how did the baby get in there?”
A recent survey by Hasbro, to coincide with the announcement that Mummy Pig (of Peppa Pig fame) is pregnant again, found just over half (56%) of parents have been asked this.
Other firm favourites include ‘is that a melon inside your stomach?’ and, when their sibling does eventually make an appearance, ‘can we trade the baby for something else?’.
Maxine Palmer, from the National Childbirth Trust (NCT), told HuffPost UK that having these conversations can be helpful for children.
“Although conversations need to be age appropriate and use simple language and descriptions that your child can understand, it can help children if you’re prepared and able to talk about reproduction as a natural part of life,” she said.
“They will have no embarrassment or judgement, and it helps if you keep it factual, and build their knowledge and awareness gradually.”
What on earth to say when a child asks: ‘how did the baby get in there?’
Whatever their age, children are going to be pretty curious about pregnancy and where babies come from. After all, you’ve just told them a baby is inside your body – that’s quite a lot to wrap their heads around.
First up, experts at Babycenter recommend getting your terminology right and saying the baby is growing in a special place called the ‘womb’ or ‘uterus’ – this is because saying ‘tummy’ or ‘stomach’ might confuse them, as that’s where your food ends up. (Look, kids have wild imaginations so it wouldn’t be out of the realms of possibility that they’d think you’d eaten the baby.)
The pros suggest you could simply say “the daddy gave love to the mummy and together they made a baby” or even “babies are made when two adults love each other so much that they’re able to create a baby inside the mummy”.
You could also mention that “the daddy’s sperm swim out of his body and into the mummy’s womb”. You don’t need to go much further than that.
“You can tell simple stories or use picture books to help explain the journey of pregnancy and a new baby’s arrival,” Palmer told HuffPost UK. (I personally found There’s A House Inside My Mummy and We’re Having A Baby were useful books to explain pregnancy – and an impending sibling – to our then two-year-old.)
“As they start to understand the concept, you can help them to imagine what it will be like when the baby arrives, perhaps through playing with toys or teaching them how to care for a doll or baby toy animal,” Palmer continued.
“You might show them pictures of when they were a baby too and talk about what it was like. For very young children, keep it simple and address the questions or offer the reassurance they need.”
With school-age children (around the age of 4-5 years old) you’re more likely to be asked direct questions that will need direct answers. Try not to get embarrassed or awkward when they ask, so they don’t see it as shameful. The more matter-of-fact you are, the better.
“How you talk about sex, gender and what you call the people and relationships involved is very personal to your own family circumstances and what children can relate to,” said Palmer.
“You might start by explaining that most adult women have tiny eggs inside them, and they can be turned into a baby if they join with a sperm, which are like tiny seeds. That’s something that most adult men make.
“The baby then grows inside the mother or pregnant person, in their tummy, until it’s time to be born.”
She added that if your child wants to know more, you might want to then expand on how a baby was conceived – basically, “that grown-ups sometimes have sex and that’s one way for sperm to meet an egg which could grow into a baby”.
“As children get older, they have more background knowledge too, so it might also help to start to relate any new information to other experiences they’ve had like planting seeds and watching them grow or seeing baby animals on a farm.”
Good luck!