Group gatherings are, sadly, a no-go at the moment, with Brits being asked to avoid all “non-essential” contact with others. But while many of us have digitalised our social lives, not everyone is cancelling face-to-face plans.
Some appear to be taking social distancing less seriously, determined to stay out and about while they can before any potential “lockdown” comes into place. So how do you navigate invites to such events, when the organiser of a get-together is convinced it’ll still go ahead?
Even harder to steer, perhaps, are the RSVPs to big events like weddings, which you may have already said ‘yes’ to months ago.
In these exceptional circumstances, etiquette coach William Hanson, executive director of The English Manner, says the onus should be on event organisers to make the first move. “Really, hosts of any form of gathering should be cancelling or postponing the event, to save their guests from making the call,” he tells HuffPost UK.
However, if the organiser of a gathering shows no signs of cancelling, etiquette consultant Julia Esteve Boyd says it’s best to be direct.
“Tell the organiser that you’re taking the social distancing seriously and won’t be attending,” she says.
“Offer an apology and say you’d love to attend another event when the situation changes. It’s only fair to let them know as soon as you can.”
You could even point them towards drastic moves being made in our country – schools are closing, people are urged to work from home, and Tubes stations in London are shutting down. This might convey the gravity of the situation to them. Try not to worry what they’ll think of you – and remind them that social distancing is an important way to stop the spread to those more vulnerable.
If you have an upcoming wedding invite pinned to your chalkboard, Hanson recommends waiting to hear from the bride or groom first. “The couple and wedding party will be under enough stress as it is, virus aside,” he says.
“Clearly, if the wedding is scheduled in the next few weeks or even months, it won’t be going ahead. Let the engaged couple communicate this to guests and be as understanding and sympathetic as possible.”
But if you have a close relationship with the couple, it’s likely the topic will naturally come up anyway. “Show you’re concerned about them and their big day,” advises Esteve Boyd. “If you’re not so close, you could wait a while before asking. It’s more than likely they’ll cancel or postpone the event sooner rather than later.”
You might have already had to cancel a hotel booking for the event. If this is the case, let the couple know – but do it softly. “No matter how you cancel, I think it’s important to be kind,” she adds.