Can we have an honest conversation about sexting? It sounds so simple to do on the surface, but exchanging sexual texts with someone can be pretty daunting – not to mention awkward.
The truth is, it’s not easy to send a sexy text message at first. It takes time and practice to be comfortable sending them, but eventually it does get easier.
There are many reasons why someone might feel awkward about sexting, according to Pippa Murphy, a sex and relationships expert at condoms.uk.
You might feel like you’re doing something wrong by sending a sext or are worried about how the other person will react. You might not know what kind of pictures or videos to send in order to get the reaction you want, or you could be afraid of rejection.
“In reality, most people won’t have an issue with a sexual text message unless it’s rude or offensive in some way – i.e., not respecting boundaries,” says Murphy.
Though sexting may feel awkward at first, she believes it could be a game-changer for relationships.
What are the benefits?
1. You’ll have better sex in real life
Sexting can help build excitement and anticipation for physical intimacy, which can lead to more satisfying experiences in person.
When you and your partner engage in sexting, you are building sexual tension and desire that can make the actual physical experience much more fulfilling.
It can also be a way to explore each other’s fantasies and desires, which can lead to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and wants, suggests the sex expert.
2. It can improve your communication
Sexting requires you to be clear and specific about what you want and what you’re comfortable with, which can improve communication in your relationship.
When you share intimate details and desires with your partner, it can help build a sense of trust and vulnerability. It can also encourage you to be more open and honest with each other about your sexual needs and preferences.
3. Your emotional connection will strengthen
Sexting can be a way to connect emotionally with your partner. Sharing intimate details and fantasies with your partner can help you feel more connected and can deepen your emotional bond.
It’s also perfect for those in long-distance relationships, says Murphy, as it gives couples an excuse to spend some quality time together, even if they’re miles apart.
And the downsides?
The biggest downside to sexting is that you have to really trust the person you’re sending these messages to, as they could screenshot your messages or save any pictures, and show them to others.
Also, if you don’t get their consent before sending anything explicit it could be deemed as sexual harassment.
“Make sure that you trust your partner completely and that you’re using secure methods of communication. And always make sure that you’re respecting your partner’s boundaries and comfort levels,” says Murphy.
Ready to sext? Read this first
OK, so you know all about the pros and cons of sexting now – but what do you need to know before you hit send?
1. Make sure to ask for their consent
Before you start, make sure your partner is comfortable with it too. Sexting can be a sensitive topic, and it’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and comfort levels.
2. Don’t send them out of the blue if it’s your/their first time
The sex expert recommends waiting until they’re about to get ready for bed or have just finished eating dinner so they’ll have time and attention for whatever you’re sending them.
3. Be descriptive
Sexting is all about using words to create a sensual and erotic experience, according to Murphy. Use descriptive language to paint a picture of what you want to do to your partner, or what you want them to do to you. If you’re new to sexting, you could keep it short and sweet, sending one to three sentences, and then wait to see how descriptively your partner replies before delving into your fantasies (or theirs) more.
4. Think about what your partner might want to hear
If you’re not familiar with their kinks or fantasies, don’t feel like you have to come up with something from scratch that’s guaranteed to work. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, ask them directly.
5. Don’t send unsolicited photos without their permission
Don’t pressure your partner into doing anything they’re not comfortable with, and always get their consent before sending explicit messages or photos.