Do you often find that when you’re attracted to someone, they are a stranger to you and the more you get to know somebody, the less attracted you are to them, even if they haven’t done anything in particular to make you feel that way? You could be what’s known as, ‘Fraysexual.’
Fraysexuality is often described as being the opposite of demisexuality. Demisexual people can only get aroused with people who they have a deep connection with. Both demisexual and fraysexual sexualities fall onto the asexual spectrum.
Dr. Edward Ratush, Board Certified Psychiatrist, sex therapist, and co-founder of SOHOMD, explained that fraysexuality “falls under the umbrella of the asexual spectrum because of the specific aversion a fraysexual individual will have toward sexual contact with their most intimate partner. Simply stated, the more a fraysexual person is emotionally connected with their intimate partner the less they are inclined to have overt sexual desire for this partner.”
Though, it is important to note that fraysexual people don’t always necessarily identify as asexual and the term asexual is used as an umbrella one that fraysexual falls under.
Signs that you may be fraysexual
According to Dr Ratush, you might be fraysexual if:
- You lose sexual interest with a long-term partner
- You find yourself craving romantic stability and connection with a partner, despite the decline in sexual attraction
- You have a high interest in new experiences
- Your sexualinterest is unstable
- You find maintaining sexual desire challenging
- There is a disconnect between emotional and physical attraction
How to maintain a relationship if you’re fraysexual
Of course, in a monogamous, long-term relationship, this can be a tricky obstacle to get around but it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling and how you experience attraction.
Sex therapist David Lerman says that workarounds are possible and it sometimes just takes a little longer for fraysexual people to become aroused –”Just because we are not aroused initially does not mean we are unwilling to be stimulated and aroused.”
However he added that it can be difficult to be in a relationship with somebody that doesn’t necessarily feel sexually attracted to you, saying, “Feeling sexually wanted and attractive by our partners is a large emotional need for most humans, particularly those practicing monogamy.”
He added that fraysexual people practicing in ethical non-monogamy often find it helps keep their spark with their primary partner alive.