If you find yourself often feeling overwhelmed, you’re truly not alone. According to research by the Mental Health Foundation and YouGov, 74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point over the last year they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.
Alice Boyes, a former clinical psychologist who is now an author of several mental health books, believes that while our reasons for being overwhelmed can vary from person to person, the habits that we fall into as a result of this overwhelm are often the same.
Not only that but these habits are self-sabotaging and could be making our mental health worse, she tells Harvard Business Review.
The Habits That Are Making Our Stress Worse
Boyes believes that we have five key responses to feeling overwhelmed and she has provided helpful advice on tackling them so that we can actually help ourselves rather than spiralling further into these emotions.
Thinking we have no control over solutions for our stress
When we’re overwhelmed, it’s often not the case that we don’t know the solutions for our emotions but instead feeling like we don’t have the time or resources to do them. So, for example, you may know that counselling may be beneficial for you or that you need to have some downtime with friends but finding the time to organise these can seem, well, overwhelming.
Boyes advises that instead of trying to find the perfect time or indeed therapist, you use what’s available to you now. If you can’t seem to find a therapist that ticks all of your boxes, have a few sessions with one that ticks a few.
She adds, “When you have good ideas but don’t act on them, it can lead to a sense of powerlessness or incompetence. You may also have endless open loops of ‘shoulds’ and waste time and energy thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Plus, when you don’t act, you miss out on the benefits you’d accrue from trying your ideas. By acting to help yourself, you’ll get practice finding doable solutions, feel more self-efficacy, and reap those benefits sooner.”
Not tapping into our unconscious mind
Bear with us here. The ‘unconscious mind’ isn’t quite as complicated as it sounds. Put simply, your unconscious mind is the one that has time to wander, one that traverses through many seemingly random thoughts while you’re focused on something else.
Boyes says that instead of going for ‘mindful’ walks, she does quite the opposite and walks to let her mind wander. During these walks, she’ll often accidentally find solutions to work problems that she’s facing and her priorities seem clearer with minimal effort.
She advises doing this first thing in the morning and added, “People who are feeling overwhelmed sometimes try to block out work thoughts during their personal time by listening to music, a podcast, or other entertainment. But that can rob you of some of the productivity potential of your drifting mind. Try identifying the activities during which your mind naturally drifts in helpful ways and solves problems for you.”
Thinking our overwhelm is a sign of weakness
We have all been guilty of this at one time or another. Whether we think we shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the things that are causing these difficult emotions or thinking we should be able to handle things better, these thoughts aren’t productive and often lead to procrastination.
Boyes advises that instead of going into a spiral of negative thought patterns, we instead practise some self-compassion. We can’t control the things that trigger us into feeling overwhelmed but we can be kinder to ourselves/
Getting rigid in response to stress
Often, stress puts us into ’freeze mode’, a response that leaves us feeling frozen and unable to consider any other options to tackle the things that are stressing us out. This is very common but ultimately, it can make those feelings of overwhelm intensify.
This also can result in our most dominant values becoming negative. The examples given by Boyes are thoughtfulness becoming overthinking, self-reliance becoming micromanagement and high standards can lead to perfectionist tendencies.
Boyes advises that instead of tapping into these negative habits, we instead, “make sure you’re matching your values to the demands of the situation. Does the particular task or problem need _____? (Insert your dominant value, such as thoughtfulness or self-reliance.) Or would a different approach be better suited to the circumstances?”
We’re feeling better already.