Have you noticed that dating apps these days are just a bit of a nightmare?
What was once a fun time for perfectly crafted dating app bios, of golden hour selfies and cheeky messages has turned into feeling like you’re wandering through a wasteland of chronically bad chat and more AI photos than any one person should ever be subjected to.
As TikTok creator Keara Sullivan said: “If you’re someone who met their partner on a dating app at any point in the last two years, just know that you caught the last chopper out of ’nam.
″... The rest of us, those who are still single? We are in the trenches.”
To learn more about what’s causing this dating app fatigue and why they’re not fun anymore, HuffPost UK spoke exclusively with Dr Tara, co-host of Celebs Go Dating and founder of Dr Tara’s Sex Academy.
Why dating apps aren’t fun anymore
Dr Tara explained: “I think the sheer amount of people that are on these apps are just overwhelming. As humans we’re not equipped to be looking through hundreds of profiles of potential partners a week? sometimes a day?
“Long periods of technology use are already draining, topping it with quick decision making on all the profiles can really drive dating fatigue. My followers have also expressed that the algorithm is not showing them people that they’re attracted to so perhaps dating apps can take some time to sharpen their compatibility formulas.”
This is especially interesting as algorithms become more and more intelligent, we may be expecting to see our “type” a lot faster because on social media and even shopping apps, everything that’s shown to us is considered to be of interest to us.
How the pandemic impacted dating apps
I asked Dr Tara if perhaps part of our disappointment is in how our relationship with these apps has changed since the onset of the pandemic in 2020.
Dr Tara said: “During the pandemic, dating apps saw a huge rise in users and time spent on the app. What used to be just for convenience became a necessity since we couldn’t meet anyone in person.
“However, during the pandemic, people got comfortable chatting on these apps for a long time and not meeting face to face (because they couldn’t) so even in the aftermath you’ll see lots of users that are not immediately trying to meet their potential partners in person and are comfortable just texting which can be time consuming and frustrating for others.”
Personally, not a huge fan of the endless back-and-forth of messaging. Just get a date out the way so you know that you have chemistry!
How attitudes to sex and intimacy have changed in recent years
Dr Tara said: “There’s a wave of sex-positive movement in mainstream culture as you can see that the topic of sex becomes less niche and has been included in the mainstream media narratives more (e.g., sex scene in Bridgerton where Colin goes down on Pen!).
“I love seeing women’s pleasure being highlighted more. With this cultural movement, I think people are becoming more open and honest towards discussions of sex and intimacy. With sex positivity in the media and social media, Gen Zs and millennials are more accepting towards different sexuality concepts and explorations”
How you can have fun experimenting and stay safe as a single person
Of course, waiting for The One isn’t going to get your rocks off and being able to have fun with yourself, both sexually and otherwise, is essential. We spoke with Dr Tara about how we can get to know ourselves and our bodies better, both alone and with others while still single.
Dr Tara explained: “If you’re single and sexually active as a woman, there’s no shame in carrying condoms. Emotional and psychological safety are also important.
“Do you enjoy casual sex or is sex a part of testing your sexual compatibility with a potential long term partner? Having an honest conversation up front can prevent heartbreaks and a hit on your self-esteem when things don’t go the way you expect. ”
As for self-love, Dr Tara advises working past any internal shame you have, with these steps:
- Work with a professional whether it’s a therapist, self-love coach, or life coach, sometimes having a professional to help you navigate through hard experiences can be a lot easier than dealing with it alone
- Journaling. Engage in self-reflections and write down things that make you feel shameful and potential reasons why. Reframe the experience by writing down the positives. For example, old thought “I’m ashamed of masturbating because my religion said it’s wrong” new thought “Masturbation is scientifically healthy and it’s a way to engage in self-care and self-love”
- Sexual meditation which is like a regular meditation practice but it focuses on positive sexual thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the body. It can help you build sexual confidence and overcome sexual shame
Dr Tara also has created a video of guided sexual meditation.