The day of love lands tomorrow. It’s a day that’s filled with roses, pink and red love hearts, chocolates, and... sex.
I mean who doesn’t want to get lucky on Valentine’s day? Despite sex being a very normal part of most relationships, it turns out that a whole host of couples are not talking about their sexual needs as often as they should be.
In a recent poll of Hitched.co.uk, it was revealed that while more than a third of couples are proactively talking about their sexual needs and preferences with one another, the majority aren’t not speaking about the topic as often as they should.
Only half of the respondents admit they sit down and talk about sex with their partners “sometimes, but not often”, while a staggering 12% say they never talk about this important topic with their other half.
Body confidence influencer Sophie Lait says: “It’s upsetting, but not shocking, that the statistics are so low around this topic.
“I truly believe that sex speaking about sex has been stigmatised and people are made to feel embarrassed, even in relationships. It needs to be communicated more so that relationships can flourish and progress together.”
Why you should be talking about sex with your partner
Lait says she knew early on in her relationship that her sexual preferences were not aligned with her partner’s, and that keeping that to herself would have only mean unsatisfying sex for the rest of their lives.
“I’ve been with my fiancé since 2017 and I always felt like there was something wrong with me because my libido was always really low and I experienced a lot of pain when we had sex. I was so lucky because whilst I was experiencing lots of confusing feelings about my body sexually, my partner was patient and supported me in every way possible,” Lait says.
“Despite this, I never really knew how to properly communicate my feelings, so I wouldn’t necessarily talk about them too much. Sometimes I would try to cover up how I was feeling when the idea of having sex came up.”
Lait continues: “I knew right from the start of our relationship that my sexual needs were completely different from my partner’s, but I was too ashamed to talk about it. It wasn’t until I got diagnosed with endometriosis in May 2021 that my partner and I decided to sit down, talk and try to understand what we needed from each other intimately.”
How to talk about your sexual needs
Lait’s advice is to be brave and to do it sooner rather than later, as talking about the subject is the only way to make sure everyone gets the best sex they deserve.
“How can you have the best possible sexual experience if you don’t know what your partner likes and doesn’t like? And hear me when I say this - you *deserve* the best possible sexual experience - as does your partner!”
“Whether it’s telling them there’s something you really want to try, or pointing something out that you don’t enjoy, honesty really is the best policy,” Lait says.
“Even if you genuinely don’t know what you like and what you don’t like, that is another conversation you can have with your partner. Say I’m really unsure of what turns me on or gets me going, and I would really like your help finding out.”
Lait continues: “I never used to be confident talking about sex or intimate time, but I’ve just found that being open with my fiancé has truly made our relationship stronger - our connection has really grown because of it.”