Remember Baba Amr - remember those who looked on.
Nero played the lyre as Rome burned - President Assad of Syria uploads iTunes.
The reason British policemen are nicknamed Plod - they're too fat to run.
Gay marriage - payback for our pinching their disco hits.
At the risk of being irradiated with polonium - Putin is a pussy.
The Queen - a short woman who makes everyone else seem like pygmies.
Another bail-out, another European treaty - death has never been so protracted.
Aggressive secularism - also shared by Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and Mao.
The public sector - producing nothing and costing everything.
Conspiracy theory - a Bermuda triangle trapped in a circular argument contained in a square box of bullshit.
Humans spend their childhood being told they're special - then spend the rest of their lives discovering they're not.
Argentina forgets the Falklands belong to Britain - a submarine-launched cruise missile might one day remind them.
Junkies - they often die in vein.
Life - treading water before you drown.
Celebrity is nothing - you still have to eat, crap and die.
Every nation needs a still small voice - in Britain it's called Christianity.
People don't require psychotherapy - they need a slap for being dull and self-absorbed.
Multiculturalism - disparate tribes pretending they like each other beneath a thin veneer of correctness.
Bitterness - the gap between aspiration and ability.
Taxation - predation on the successful for the benefit of the less so.
LibDems - love 'em or hate 'em...or just hate 'em.