Most single people can attest to hearing this advice at least once in their relationship-free lives: “You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.”
Common? Yes. Totally unhelpful? Also yes. For people who are interested in coupling up, “not expecting” to find someone can feel like a seemingly impossible feat.
But why do people say it? According to matchmakers and relationship experts, it’s because it’s true.
“When you’re focused on meeting someone, that stress can be seen from a mile away,” Kelli Fisher, certified life and relationship coach and one half of “The Matchmaking Duo,” told The Huffington Post. “When you don’t have that at the top of your mind and are just enjoying yourself in the moment without any preconceived notions, things can progress organically.”
Instead of actively looking, experts say to focus on these things instead.
1. Pursue your interests and hobbies.
“Get more involved in things that will bring you happiness or peace like hobbies, connecting with friends, family, traveling or reconnecting with your faith. When you’re more fulfilled, the law of attraction kicks in, so people see you with that joy and want that for themselves,” Fisher said.
2. Reconnect with old friends.
“We always see people reconnecting with faith, joining travel or sporting groups, learning something but also being around people with similar values and hobbies as you and also reconnecting with old friends,” Fisher said. There are always “friend-troductions” to be made when you surround yourself with different circles of friends ― you end up meeting people without really even thinking about it.
3. Rethink what you want in a relationship.
Taking a break from actively seeking a partner also gives you the opportunity to figure out exactly what you want from your next relationship, Tana Gilmore, a life and relationship coach (and Fisher’s matchmaking partner), explained. “You can course correct issues and challenges you’ve had in the past with making bad relationship decisions and in turn, attract the kind of mate you deserve and want.”
4. Abandon your checklist.
“I’d tweak the sentence to ‘You find love where you least expect it’ ― in this case, with someone who may not be ‘your type’ or who you were looking for,” Andrea Syrtash, the author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing”), said. “So many of us get tied to our paper checklists and sometimes overlook great matches who don’t add up on them. But then, you don’t marry a piece of paper.”
5. Look around you.
“In some cases, [the women I interviewed] realized they had chemistry with a friend or officemate they didn’t originally consider romantically, but who made them happy,” Syrtash said. “In other cases, some of these people found love when they took the pressure off of themselves to meet a ‘perfect match.’ They were more present and it made organic connections with people when they weren’t overthinking it.”
6. Don’t deactivate your online dating profile just yet.
Fisher and Gilmore said it’s good to “periodically check” your accounts in the event that while you’re off doing things that make you happy, “someone may be looking for you.”
