In a recent Reddit post shared to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), site user Electronic_Wolf1967 shared how annoyed they were that their friend, who ghosted them when their dog and dad died, had texted them to announce her pregnancy.
“I said ‘congratulations, I wish your new fam the best,’” the poster shared, “and blocked her.”
Though that post is pretty straightforward, it reminded me of a 2023 article from The Cut which asked: “Why can’t our friendship survive your baby?”.
As fewer and fewer women have children in the UK, it’d make sense that the number of child-free women with mother friends could have gone up too.
So, we thought we’d speak to both child-free women with mum friends and mothers with child-free friends about how having kids affected their relationships.
“Friends with children either decided that I hated [or wanted] children.”
“I overheard one [mother] friend whisper to her daughter, ‘Why don’t you go over and give her a hug – she doesn’t have any little girls to hug her,’” Robin Donovan, president at Gracie Dancer, shared.
“I became quietly militant about not having or wanting kids, while openly stating that I had nothing against [them].”
Still, she says, as her mother friends’ kids have grown up, they’ve grown to “seek out” her and her husband’s company as the “cooler” family friends.
“Now the friends I have enjoy the friendship I have with their kids,” she said.
“We’re all comfortable with the relationships and we all enjoy each other.”
“I became a mom in my 40s and it didn’t change the relationship with my single friends that are really close to me.”
Angela Betancourt, founder and CEO of Betancourt Group, says that while some of her friends slipped through the net after having kids, others “embraced their new aunty roles.”
“Right around the time I decided I wanted to have a baby, I started talking about it with my close friends,” she told us.
They’ve remained very tight-knit, she adds, and while she says “I miss the acquaintances who dropped away because I feel like some of them could have become good friends,” she “hasn’t given up” on those either.
“With my current close friends, we make sure to prioritise time with and without my son.
“There are times I will leave my son with my husband for brunch with the girls; other times, I bring my son, and they spend time with him. So it’s been really great!”
“All of my closest friends have had kids within the last few years and I can totally understand how someone could feel left behind, but that isn’t the case for me.”
Founder of The Couples Coach Jordan Grenadier Murphy said that though she’s child-free, she doesn’t think her friends – many of whom have had kids – have left her behind.
“The friendships that are most important to me aren’t situational, meaning that we’ve been able to prioritise the relationships through new partners, hectic jobs, health concerns, etc,” she said.
The key, she says, is adaptability.
“For the first couple of years that someone has a child it’s much easier for me to go to them and be more accommodating to their schedule,” she shared with HuffPost UK.
“That doesn’t mean that my time or schedule isn’t important but I know that in this season I can be more flexible and that’s worth it to maintain relationships that are important.”
“As a mom-preneur, I’ve actually found that I have more in common with many of my child-free friends.”
Ashley Darling, CEO of the Neptune App, said that becoming a mother actually expanded her friend group – including those without kids.
“Becoming a mother didn’t narrow my world; it expanded it,” she told HuffPost UK.
“Of course, I love talking about my kids, but after 15 years in the ‘mummy crowd,’ [with constant] conversations around parenting, I’ve found myself craving more.
“My child-free friends often bring that kind of expansive energy into my life. They challenge me, inspire me, and remind me of the parts of myself that exist outside of motherhood.”