What happens after the divorce? Once the dust has settled, belongings have been divided and you’ve both moved on, what happens if one of you has changed your name?
This was the question that Reddit user ThrowRAHappyLiving had after a conversation with her ex-husband.
On the /r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, she explained that the couple have been divorced for 5 years, following a 12 year marriage and they have children together who are teenagers. Her ex-husband has been with his new partner for three years and this new partner has made a request that our Reddit user isn’t willing to humour.
The request that the ex-wife just couldn’t agree to
The user went on to explain: “My ex and I got divorced because we were young when we met and got married and we grew apart as people.
“It was a mutual decision, and we agreed our kids came first and have always coparented very well. This has been the case up until the last year when his girlfriend moved in with him.”
Ah. That age-old story.
Sadly, this new partner seems to have created ripples throughout the family as the ex-wife explained: “Previously we would do holidays and kids birthdays together, now when she is present they won’t even sit near me at our kids sporting events.
“I have always been nice to this woman, despite my kids expressing they do not like her and they feel their dad acts differently when she is around.”
Now, with all of this turmoil and discomfort in mind, her ex-husband’s request seems... ill-timed, at best. That’s because, following the ex-husband proposing to his new partner, he said to his ex-wife that she has to change her name.
The user said: “My ex called me yesterday saying he is giving me a heads up that I have a year to change my last name back to my maiden name as his fiancé is expressing her distaste and concern for her and I to have the same last name when they get married.”
In their divorce proceedings, it was agreed that the ex-wife could keep the name until she felt the need to change it and the user explained that she didn’t want to have a different name to her children.
The ex-husband reasoned that his new partner feels uncomfortable with this and that anybody else would understand why she should change her name.
So, she asked: “Am I the asshole for refusing to change my last name to make her happy?”
What the commenters said
While the comments were unanimous that the user wasn’t the asshole, user /u/nikitathevampireslyr nailed it when they said: “When my parents divorced my dad demanded my mom change her last name back to her maiden name and he told this to the judge.
“The judge laughed in his face and told him that’s not his or her decision, it’s my mom’s. My mom told him that she didn’t have HIS last name, she had MY last name (the whole reason she wanted to keep it was to have the same last name as me). NTA”
Well, exactly!