NewsMisdemeanor

The New York Times Asked For Londoners' Experiences Of Petty Crimes And Boy Did They Deliver

'Someone accidentally touched my hand on the tube.'
Rachel McGrath
By 

Reporter

The New York Times has done it again.

The US publication has often missed the mark when it comes to covering the UK and on Thursday morning, they delivered another facepalm-inducing moment, by asking Londoners for submissions on crime.

Have you experienced a petty crime in London? Click to tell us your story.
(Your submission may be selected for publication.) https://t.co/MRvmXdlYC8

— The New York Times (@nytimes) December 13, 2018

“Have you experienced a petty crime in London? Click to tell us your story” they optimistically wrote, warning people their submissions might be published.

It’s easy to see now that this was never going to go to plan. Why? Because this is Britain and we like a good laugh. Especially at the moment.

Here’s a selection of the best replies.

Once I doffed my hat to someone and they didn't doff their hat back

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 13, 2018

a man inadvertently spat on me as I turned the corner, I apologised of course

— Jimmy Lloyd (@jimmyLLs) December 13, 2018

The urchin who swept my chimney refused to come down, claiming he was stuck. Even lighting the fire under him wouldn't get him to drop the pretence and eventually it cost me 2 guineas to have his corpse removed and disposed of. I am still livid about it.

— Andrew R (@ExcelPope) December 13, 2018

There were lots of mentions of the tube:

I witnessed a woman not smiling at a guide dog on the tube this July. Netflix has commissioned a £300m documentary to track her down and have her convicted.

— Ferdinand Kingsley (@ferdosnandos) December 13, 2018

someone accidentally touched my hand on the Tube. They received 15 years in the workhouse.

— Alan White (@aljwhite) December 13, 2018

I once watched someone run for the tube as the doors were closing. Their bag got trapped. Someone tutted loudly

— Chi Chi Izundu (@blondeafro) December 13, 2018

I once had to travel on the Central Line in the summer. My case will appear before the European Court of Human Rights some time next year

— Gilbert (@GilbertMac) December 13, 2018

London’s extortionate beer prices also received a nod or two:

£6 for a pint. Daylight robbery!

— Gareth Owen (@GarethAOwen1) December 13, 2018

There's a bar in Kensington where a bottle of Heineken is £7.50. Might as well have had the shirt off my back. Daylight robbery

— Jingle Bells, Brexit Smells (@jimxant) December 13, 2018

I went up to the roof garden gin bar in John Lewis and they wanted a tenner for a G and T. A tenner! Cor blimey they were 'avin' a larf guv.

— James Todd (@MrJGTodd) December 13, 2018

As have other food-related issues:

Someone threw a ham sandwich at my head once out of a car window.

— Frankie Tobi (@frankietobi) December 13, 2018

People queue for restaurants on a daily basis despite those restaurants never being particularly good and the police still won’t disperse the culprits

— Sophie Petzal (@Sonic_Screwup) December 13, 2018

I got mugged by a goose in Regent's Park - it hissed at me and stole my BLT sandwich.

— Maggie_perhaps (@Maggie_Perhaps) December 13, 2018

And finally, Londoners’ other favourite topic of conversation, ridiculous housing prices, came up too:

estate agent made me pay £280,000 for my tiny zone 3 flat.

— Steve Forden (@mammuthus) December 13, 2018

Nice work, everyone.

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