Olivia Colman’s Oscars acceptance speech was perfectly imperfect. After winning the ‘Best Actress’ category, the 45-year-old stepped onto the stage with a look of disbelief.
Struggling to speak through tears, she laughed: “It’s genuinely quite stressful. This is hilarious. I got an Oscar!” before thanking the people who helped her – both behind the scenes, in front of the camera and in her personal life.
Yorgos Lanthimos, director of ‘The Favourite’, was one of the first to receive a shoutout, alongside co-stars Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz who Colman described as “the two loveliest women in the world to fall in love with”. She also gushingly thanked her kids and husband Ed, before paying tribute to her agent and Fox film corporation. Naturally, her heartfelt and shell-shocked speech got a standing ovation.
Colman’s speech was a powerful reminder that saying thank you is a hugely meaningful experience. Here, we speak to etiquette expert Rupert Wesson on how to practise gratitude in everyday life.
Thank yous are incredibly important, especially in an age where we’re always on our phones, says Rupert Wesson, academy director at Debrett’s which published an A-Z of Modern Manners.
“A handwritten note might seem old-fashioned, but it means so much more,” he tells HuffPost UK. “Emails can lack charm, and texts and DMs might smack of a lack of effort. In this digital age of WhatsApp, email and Instagram Stories, there is nothing better than receiving a handwritten letter or a thank you note.”
The trick with letters or cards is to send them as promptly as possible – but when it comes to saying thank you, late is invariably better than never and digital thanks are better than none.
Are there scenarios IRL when you should be saying thank you verbally, instead? “As a general rule, you should send a written thank you if the hospitality involves a meal – anything more than a snack,” says Wesson. “And, of course, gifts should be thanked in writing.”
“In this digital age, there is nothing better than receiving a handwritten letter or a thank you note."”
But, he says, when someone has gone above and beyond to help you during a time of need, then if possible, you should see them in person and give a verbal thank you.
At work, thank yous are important to highlight achievement and make people feel valued. “They are a fantastic way of recognising effort and success,” Wesson adds. “They are memorable, meaningful and motivational. Always look for opportunities to thank people, even if only verbally.”
So aside from saying those two important words – what else should be included when we’re showing our appreciation? If you’re thanking someone for their hospitality, recognise the effort and pick out a couple of the most attractive details in order to show you noticed them as well as your appreciation, Wesson explains.
Make it heartfelt, too: “You can always mention the people you met and how much you enjoyed their company.” And you should always say, or write, about how the experience made you feel “because that is priceless”.
Lastly, don’t feel you need to reciprocate with gifts or invitations, “your gratitude is enough”.