Kids notice differences just as readily as adults do. But they haven’t developed a filter to understand when social norms call for them to keep their observations and questions to themselves. If they see a person whose body looks different from theirs, they’re liable to ask — potentially in a loud voice, in a public place — “What happened to his legs?” or “Why is her arm missing?”
It’s important to talk to kids about disability and all the different ways that people’s bodies appear and function, yet this isn’t a conversation that many parents feel prepared to have, having been raised in a society where they learned to keep such questions to themselves.
The Paralympics offers parents and caregivers a unique opportunity to talk to kids about disabilities in a positive light, highlighting the athletes’ incredible accomplishments. It also gives you a chance to broach the topic in the comfort of your own home, without the added stress of knowing that strangers are listening in on your response.
HuffPost spoke with advocates for people who have limb differences about how parents can best answer kids’ questions.
Don’t shut down the conversation.
It does not help people with disabilities for you to tell your child to be quiet or that it is impolite to ask questions when they raise the topic.
“Discussing disability leads to normalizing disability, which leads to better understanding the needs of diverse communities,” Shree Thaker, director of communications and partnerships for the Amputee Coalition, told HuffPost. The more cognizant kids are of others’ needs, the more likely they are to help create accessible spaces in the future.
It’s important not to tell kids, “Don’t look,” or “Don’t ask questions,” Cameron Lutges, a mentor with the No Limits Foundation, told HuffPost.
“The only reason kids stare or point is because they’re curious, and being able to allow those kids to be curious and ask those questions allows their brain to grow with the understanding of what limb differences and prosthetics are,” he said.
When kids ask specifically about limb loss and limb difference, you might say that “Sometimes athletes who are in the Paralympics are born that way, while others have an accident or illness. Some have visual impairments, as well, and use assistance from people or other senses to adapt for their sports,” Cameron Johnson, a physical therapist at the No Limits Foundation, suggested.
There’s no need to get into specifics if you aren’t aware of a particular athlete’s story. As with any elite athlete, the person’s biographical information is likely accessible online if your child wants to learn more about them.
Explain that prosthetics are aids, like many other kinds of aids people use.
If your child hasn’t seen them before, they may also have questions about prosthetic devices, like the running blades track and field athletes use.
“Prosthetic devices really are aids that help people,” Lutges said. People use prosthetics when it helps them perform an activity, such as running. Your child may notice that some athletes with limb differences aren’t wearing prosthetics, and you can explain that it may not help them for whatever activity they are doing.
Lutges suggested likening a prosthetic to a shoe: “People put on shoes to protect their feet. It’s the same kind of scenario for us to be able to wear shoes and be able to perform our daily tasks while making sure that we’re doing it in the safest manner for our bodies,” he said. Hearing aids or eyeglasses serve the same purpose.
Praise athletes’ accomplishments without qualifying them.
Thaker suggested that parents and caregivers make the effort to talk about Paralympic athletes the same way they would talk about anyone else. “Normalizing disability,” she said, “helps to prevent ‘othering’ anyone.”
One way you can do this, she said, is to “praise an athlete based on their skill instead of based on the device they may use.” For example, you might say, “Look at how fast she is running!” instead of qualifying your praise by saying “Look at how fast she is running on that running blade” — just as you wouldn’t say, “Look how fast she is running for a girl.”
Speak of Paralympic athletes just as you would Olympic athletes. They are all incredibly accomplished and competing on a world stage. “Avoid making comparisons based on prosthetic devices or other mobility aids, as these devices and aids do not attribute to a person’s character and existence,” Thaker said.
Talk about each athlete as a whole person.
It’s important that you treat disability as just one part of a person’s life story.
“Disability is a part of their identity, while not their entire identity,” Thaker said.
“Instead of focusing on why and how someone is disabled, learning about their story and their accomplishments can help to better understand disabilities.”
Being able to talk about disabilities in a respectful way is an important skill, Thaker emphasized, as kids will encounter people with disabilities not only on the stage of the Paralympics but also out in their communities doing everyday things like buying groceries.
The Paralympics is a great opportunity for kids to see what people with disabilities can do. The athletes are “succeeding as their best selves, competing against athletes of the same skill level, and for them to do this takes a lot of training and a lot of effort, just like everyone else,” Lutges said.
Acknowledge the Paralympics’ relative lack of coverage.
While you’re making an effort to explain how peoples’ differences don’t make their bodies any less capable, it’s important to note that our society doesn’t treat all bodies as having equal value. This is clearly indicated, as your child may notice, in the way that the Paralympics receive far less attention than the Olympics, despite the participants in both being world-class athletes.
“While great strides have been made, there is still more that needs to be done for people who have disabilities to be equal,” Thaker said.
Reassure kids who might worry about injury or illness.
If you have a child who is prone to anxiety, they might worry that something will happen to them that might result in them losing a limb. You can reassure kids that you are doing everything you can to keep them safe, and if they get hurt or sick, you will find people who can take care of them.
Rather than getting bogged down in probabilities or the medical details of a particular injury, you might ask your child what they think would happen if they got hurt that way. This could lead to meaningful conversations about what places in the community are accessible, or even the importance of not judging a person based on their appearance.
Be comfortable saying, “I don’t know.”
You won’t have the answer to every question your kid throws your way — whether about limb differences or some other topic. And that’s okay.
Thaker recommended that you say something along the lines of, “I do not know, let’s learn together.”
“By engaging in the conversation instead of dismissing it,” Thaker said, you can help guide your child’s questions toward a more inclusive way of thinking.