Nothing can quite prepare you for potty training.
For parents and kids alike, it can be a pretty stressful affair. There may be tears, tantrums and likely quite a few accidents on the road to toilet freedom.
Poo will appear in strange places – random spots on the carpet, behind the sofa, in your handbag – while badly-timed and awfully-aimed wees will also make an (unwelcome) appearance.
If you’re currently going through the motions and finding it living hell, take comfort in the fact you’re not the only one feeling the pain of having to scrape clumps of turd from your cream carpet right now.
Here, parents share their most disastrous and funniest potty training anecdotes.
And thank your lucky stars you’re not the poor mum whose son exclaimed she’d done a “dinosaur poo” in the ladies toilets.
Brown footprints
We were visiting my mother-in-law, who had a beautiful cream carpet in her lounge. My daughter was almost fully potty trained, but she had an accident and ended up leaving footprints of poo all over the carpet.
Let’s just say, cream is not an easy colour to get clean and I think our efforts didn’t go down well with the mother-in-law.
Sue Welby, 56, Essex
The waterfall incident
Maddy Alexander-Grout, 39, Southampton
The IKEA near-miss
We went on a trip to IKEA and were wandering through the departments, following the arrows.
In the bathroom department my little one, then about 20 months old, had taken a green potty from the display and was halfway through pulling her leggings down in the middle of the store when I swooped in.
My then-husband was so embarrassed he walked off and an elderly couple nearby had a right old giggle.
I still love a trip to IKEA, although I do giggle every time I go through the bathroom section.
Janine McDonald, 52, Manchester
The Lego toilet
I started potty training my son at two but he didn’t really seem too interested, so I tried again when he turned three and he got the hang of it. Until one day at nursery I went to pick him up and they told me that Isaiah (my son) had picked up one of the Lego toys at nursery – a toilet.
He went to the corner, pulled his trousers down and did a wee. It was honestly so funny because we all told him ‘you use the toilet’ and he did exactly that – just with this toy. The toy had to be thrown away.
Desriee Asomuyide, 30, Essex
The serial carpet soiler
I started potty training my son between 18 months and two years old – but every time I would put him to sit on a potty, he wouldn’t do anything. Then he would run away and poop on my carpet outside my room.
The prehistoric poo
As the founder of Littlelifesteps, which helps parents conquer toileting challenges, I am no stranger to the joys and struggles of potty training.
One of my favourite stories comes from a consultation I had with a mum whose son was struggling with pooing. As part of my advice, I encourage parents to be open about their toileting and even show their children their poo.
One day, the mum and her son were in a public toilet when she stood up and her son shouted, ‘Wow mom, you’ve done a dinosaur poo!’
Needless to say, the other people in the restroom were a bit surprised.
Sue Welby, 56, Essex