Ever wondered why people cheat?
In an insightful Reddit thread, people have revealed what drove them to get with another person behind their partner’s back.
From the couple who fell out of love, to the guy whose girlfriend just wasn’t there for him, here are some of the things that drove people in relationships to cheat.
1. Dwindling Sex Life
“We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together. There was a lot of talk about spicing it up in the bedroom but by her own admission, she’s pretty vanilla, and didn’t want to wrap her head around the idea of other positions besides missionary and her being on top.
“I had been training a very attractive and smart woman at work who noticed I was having a hard time one day and I spilled everything out to her at lunch.
“A few more weeks of shameless flirting between the both of us culminated in an incredible night in a hotel room that currently holds the top preferred customer spot in my spank bank. It felt awful imagining my girlfriend’s face but at that point the path ahead was crystal clear, we broke up the next day and I never told her what happened.”
2. Partner’s Lack Of Effort
“I was in a long distance relationship - he moved for his career, I was supposed to follow once I figured my shit out. I hadn’t seen him in six months, he rarely wanted to Skype or talk on the phone, he didn’t want to come back to visit me (only me visiting him, he hated the state), I’d always text him first, etc.
“So I started distancing myself from the relationship, as I felt that’s what he was doing. My head went to a dark place and figured he was cheating on me or didn’t love me anymore. Lack of communication I guess. I also felt I was becoming a clingy GF and I never wanted to be that girl.
“So I met this guy, we hit it off right away, there was so much mental and physical chemistry. We’d communicate a lot, he always wanted to hang out but I told him no, as I was in a relationship. I think I hadn’t heard from my BF in week at one point, even after texts [had been] sent. So I hung out with the other guy and we ended up hooking up.
“Do I regret cheating? Yeah. I broke it off with the BF the next week out of guilt, I never told him.”
3. Emotional Abuse
“Every night I would beg him for sex, every night he would make some excuse not to. He would then masturbate to pornography, while I lay in our room trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough. Every 10-12 months he would give in and we would have sex. Other than these times there was so physical touching. No hugs. No kisses, no hand holding etc. I was starving.
“After one confrontation, he told me to go find a boyfriend, but warned me no one else would want me.
“So, I did. It only happened once, but it taught me some really valuable lessons, and gave me the courage to leave this sexually, financially and physically abusive marriage.”
4. Insecurity
“We had very poor communication and were both very insecure (wife and I)
“She assumed I was cheating when I wasn’t, facilitated a threesome to control the insecurity and then we flip flopped for years between open and not, all the while our sex life which had been daily when we were dating dropped to a dead bedroom.
“I talked, I begged, I volunteered to do counselling (she would never do mutual counselling) and I did without. I gave up passwords, and stopped seeing friends. I went to a couple [of] Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. And I did without. Month in and month out.
“We would cycle over the years. Cheat, get caught, make amends, be happy, dead bedroom, cheat. And the problems were always my fault. My timing, my not understanding her meds, or her aches, or her bad days.
“I got selfish. I got desperate. I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate lonely people. Park sex, car sex, elevator machinery closet, bathrooms. Anything to just feel desired.”
5. Alcohol
“There wasn’t any logic. I was drunk and didn’t stop the advances of another girl. I had never been so happy than in my prior relationship. Never felt so loved and loved someone so much. I gave up everything in a split second.”
- 3707
6. Unclear Relationship Boundaries
“I wasn’t clear what our relationship boundaries were. He was adamant that we weren’t dating, but we still exchanged “I love yous” and essentially lived together.
“He was very new-age, had talked about previous open relationships, and generally spoke in vague terms.
“We were briefly long distance at the start of our relationship (so not many people knew we were together) and a friend kissed me. I panicked, called my SO and told him, and he responded nonchalantly. If anything, he was irritated and confused that I called him about it. I left the conversation with the impression that he was seeing other people and rather expected I was as well.
“So I slept with the friend. And then later found out that my SO considered me his ‘monogamous primary partner’, which makes me a cheater.
“I felt shitty about it for a long time, but in the end, I learned from the experience and Paul was a shite anyway.”
7. Neediness
“I cheated on my ex after she became too clingy one summer. We’d just finished our Freshman year of college and moved back to our hometown for the three month break. She refused to get a summer job, and conveniently decided to ruin every single one of her friendships in our hometown. So, she was left with me and only me to entertain her and fill her time.
“She literally wanted constant contact with me during every hour I wasn’t sleeping. Sleep was actually the only reprieve I had from her. She bitched all the time about how bored she was, and about how all her friends were assholes and how terrible her summer was going. In my mind, I was thinking ‘well you did this to yourself, you ruined your summer get over it’.
“Around this time, my GF also started withholding sex from me. She said she wanted to slow things down, so all we did was make out. I constantly had blue balls and started watching porn WAY more often to remedy the situation. It was a perfect storm. I couldn’t stand to be around her any more, but I loved her and didn’t know what to do.
“A new girl had started at the place I was working that summer. She and I hit it off and we connected on how dissatisfied we were with our current relationships. One thing led to another and we hooked up in the walk in freezer of the restaurant we worked at.
“I regret cheating on my ex, for sure. But the reason I did it, is because she was pushing me away slowly, while also removing any sexual aspect of our relationship.”
8. Long-Distance Relationship
“I was in a long distance relationship for a long time and we didn’t really see each other that much. Once a year really. Because of that the sexual side of our relationship wasn’t that great. Both of us were too shy and timid to really do anything about it. And a lot of the time I didn’t feel wanted. So occasionally I would hook up with guys online, didn’t really think much of it.
“Then last year I went back to school and met this really great guy who makes me feel wanted. He makes a move on me and I don’t stop him, and we don’t stop for a few months. I don’t really think anything of it, I knew I really liked this guy but I thought I loved my (ex) boyfriend more. But when he came down to visit, I saw him and realised that I didn’t really love him after all, not like I thought I did. So I broke it off.”
9. Sexual Attraction
“I’ve cheated a few times in my long and storied career as a monogamous relations specialist, and although one time I was intoxicated and another time I was mad and yet another time I was in a long distance relationship, I can honestly say that ‘logic’ never has anything to do with it.
“I didn’t cheat because I was mad, or because I was drunk or because I had fallen out of love. I cheated because there was someone I found attractive who wanted me and I was horny and as a result my brain put everything else in a little box I had no access to. That’s it.”
