My pursuit of perfection in every aspect of my life was exhausting...I now know from speaking to so many others I was not alone. Sadly this is all too common.
We seem to laden ourselves with huge amounts of pressure at every turn.
Thankfully some of us have a real moment of clarity and realise the pursuit is futile...thus allowing a feeling of being contented. It’s a truly liberating feeling and I feel so happy I found it in my mid-thirties.
I had come out of hospital after suffering anorexia and OCD behaviours over everything in my life. I assumed once I was discharged from the ward and therapy my life was “normal”.
However what I did not anticipate was that my behaviours would continue in other ways that I thought everyone did. There was no manual on how I was supposed to be after years isolated from society.
I never discussed it with anyone else...I just had this regimented regime I felt I had to have to be the perfect person I should be.
Unfortunately at the sacrifice of many years I learned that perfectionism can never be achieved, and no matter how hard you try no one will ever achieve it. However the relentless pursuit of it is can be dangerous.
I found this out to my huge cost.
It all now makes sense to me as I had very low self-esteem and was constantly trying to be ‘perfect’ at everything to improve my self-esteem.
Now in my mid-forties and learning all I have, I can clearly look back and see what happened and it’s all very clear with hindsight.
Hence why now I talk at schools, universities and workplaces focusing on raising awareness of mental health and eating disorders - but also the importance of self-esteem, resilience, mental fitness and emotional intelligence as I think they are key to so much.
I’ve even managed to achieve so many amazing things I would never have expected, which slowly built up my self-esteem - learning to fly and getting my Private Pilot’s licence, joining the Territorial Army and wining top recruit, helping run a successful business, raising a family, buying a house and car, writing a book, getting it screen written by an OSCAR wining director, interviewing incredible people for my website and most importantly, doing talks and workshops across the UK raising awareness of these illness and offering hope.
So the purpose for this blog is simple - NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR YOU - flaws and all !!!
Always believe in what you can achieve no matter how imperfect you feel - trust me we all feel the same as humans. However it can all be done with self-esteem.
Trust me - If I can finally feel content - anyone can.
Tina x