Before my last period, I was inconsolable. Nothing much had happened but it felt like the world was closing in on me and it was hard to imagine ever feeling happy again.
I couldn’t pinpoint what had caused such a significant drop in my mental health. I lost my granddad at the start of January and I have some personal struggles that I’m grappling with but even with those in mind... it seemed pretty out-of-nowhere.
I cried every day in the week leading to my period, several times a day. I was so worried I was falling back into the dark depression that swallowed me whole around 15 years ago.
Quite sooner after, the darkness lifted
Almost as soon as this deep depression had hit, it left again. I wasn’t fully out of the woods but I could definitely bring myself to make a cup of tea, to ask my partner for a hug and could get out of bed with my alarm rather than hours after it had gone off.
I made the most of the new burst of energy by doing the things you’re supposed to do to support your mental health; I ate well, I spent a good amount of time soaking up the sun in my garden and I made sure that I went to bed around the same time every night.
I still wondered, though, what had caused the crash I’d just experienced.
Then my period tracking app delivered a report
Since my temporary menopause ended, I’ve been using the period tracking app Flo to log not just my periods but my moods before, during and after my period as well as other symptoms I experience throughout my cycle.
Unbeknownst to me, this app also delivers full reports of the data you’ve given them and highlights patterns that may help to decode your physical and mental health.
The most common symptom that I logged around 1-4 days before the end of my cycle was depression. Every month, for six months.
My first response was to feel ashamed — I’ve been getting periods since I was 9 years old, the past 25 years of my life, how did I not notice? Then, I gave myself some much-needed grace: life happens, you can’t keep on top of all of it.
Immediately, I booked a doctor’s appointment. I knew what this could be and even knowing this happens every month was a huge weight off my shoulders.
I was immediately diagnosed
The doctor confirmed what I already knew: I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).
It’s a condition that 800,000 women in the UK live with, and according to leading mental health charity Mind: ”[PMDD] is a very severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It causes a range of emotional and physical symptoms every month during the week or two before your period. It is sometimes referred to as ‘severe PMS’”.
According to the Royal College of Nursing, around 8% of people who get periods have this condition.
Treatment can involve medications, talk therapy or even surgery to remove the ovaries, according to Bupa. For me, we’re still figuring out what my next steps should be but even understanding this about myself has given me something I can work with once my cycle is coming to an end.
Help and support:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
- CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.