Are you a jerk if you salt your food before tasting it?
When you automatically add salt to food that someone else has prepared for you, whether it’s your mom or a chef in a restaurant, it’s no longer just about seasoning –– it is, for many, a social faux pas.
If you’re a guest and salt a dish in front of your host, “it sends a signal to the cook that you assume their skill and judgement is poor,” said Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and co-host of the weekly etiquette podcast, Were You Raised By Wolves?
“A polite host would never say anything about your seasoning their food, but they’ll almost certainly notice it and take note,” he said.
An offended cook can interpret the action to mean you don’t trust their skills in the kitchen –– and some may even think it says something about the salter’s character.
In a decades-old business legend, an executive brings their final job candidate to dinner. If the job candidate salts a dish before tasting it, they fail the hidden test and lose out on the job. The story — often called the Henry Ford or Thomas Edison test, as some believe these famous inventors may have done it to job candidates — is a cautionary tale.
The moral of this lesson: Salting food before tasting a dish means you are narrow-minded and make assumptions before taking action. But should we be so harsh?
Why salting etiquette can vary by culture
Salting, in general — whether it’s before or after you’ve tasted your food — can be a tricky topic that touches on cultural sensitivities.
Sara Jane Ho, an etiquette expert and author of the new book “Mind Your Manners,” cited the seminal 1993 film “The Joy Luck Club” as an example of why this etiquette question can depend on your cultural context.
Serving someone a meal is an act of care. “In Chinese culture, you show your love through cooking, just like in many other cultures,” Ho said. “If your wife doesn’t make soup for you, it’s almost like she doesn’t love you.”
In the movie, Waverly, a Chinese American adult daughter, brings her hapless American partner Rich to family dinner. Waverly’s mother, Lindo, prepares her best dish for him. During the meal, Waverly realises she forgot to tell Rich about how it’s typical in Chinese custom for her mother to insult the dish she is proudest of and call it “not salty enough.”
“That was our cue to eat some and proclaim it the best she’d ever made,” Waverly recounts in the film.
But instead, Rich agrees with Lindo and says, “All this needs is a little soy sauce.” He cheerfully glugs it onto the dish, as Waverly and her family watch with open mouths in mute horror.
Rich “was well-intentioned, but he just didn’t get it and he ended up totally offending everyone,” Ho said.
In Chinese culture, “A lot of communication is through context and reading between the lines,” she explained, whereas in U.S. cultures like the ones Rich grew up in, “you mean 100% of what you say.”
So if you want to play it safe, just avoid salting a dish in front of the person who has prepared your food, Ho advised. Chefs are artists and you do not want to appear to insult their craft. Ho herself said she would never ask for salt if she was dining out, especially at a Michelin-starred restaurant.
“There are certainly some situations where you might want to just not salt your food even if you think it needs it, such as when dining at your in-law’s house for the first time,” Leighton said.
Why you shouldn’t take someone’s salting choices personally
There are good reasons we should give people who salt their dishes with gusto more grace. Often, it’s not meant to be disrespectful, but is more a personal choice.
Nasim Lahbichi, a Brooklyn, New York cook and content creator, was raised in a Puerto Rican-Moroccan household and said that how much salt is preferred can depend on the food you grew up eating or your age, as your tastebuds change. As an example, he shared that he loves his tomato-based eggplant dip zaalouk with two teaspoons of salt in big batches, while his father finds that “too salty.”
“I just love my food super salty,” he said. “I’ve been on the opposite side where someone’s complained that I added too much salt and then at that point, I’m like, either eat it or you don’t. I’ll order you food if you want.”
“Seasoning is so personal. And I think adding salt to make it a more enjoyable experience is perfectly fine to do” at restaurants, he said, because “it’s impossible to add the perfect amount of saltiness where each person is going to be satisfied.”
Leighton agreed with this answer, and said it’s fine to add salt to restaurant food because your dining companions are “unlikely to take offense as they weren’t involved in preparing the meal.” He noted that you should rule always check with your fellow diners before salting any shared item, though.
“What I like to say is, 'I like to add way more salt than the typical person.' That's so I make it a 'me' problem.”
- Sara Jane Ho, etiquette expert
Food is always most personal when it’s made for people you cherish. This is when people might take the most offense to your request for more salt. But this kind of request doesn’t need to be a big deal — it can actually be a sign that you’re close enough to be honest with each other.
Lahbichi shared that he respects friends that “are very unapologetic with their needs” and if one asked for salt at his dinner party, he would encourage them to go to his cabinet and use it, which reflects his approach to hosting.
“When I bring you into my space, yes it’s my space, but I also want you to feel comfortable,” he said.
A lot of etiquette is learning to navigate how bluntly truthful one should be. So if a host asks if you think their dish needed more or less salt, be delicate. Ho said “besties can get away with” being direct about how much salt your food needed, but “if you’re not besties status, you could never admit that their food is not good.”
You can also be tactful and make it more about your own tastebuds. “What I like to say is, ‘I like to add way more salt than the typical person.’ That’s so I make it a ‘me’ problem, not a ‘their food’ problem,” Ho said.
“Some people’s egos are a little more inflated than others,” Lahbichi said, of deciding when to ask for salt. “Assess the situation in that moment and see who you’re with, what your kind of relationship is with that person, and proceed from there.”
As a “general rule of thumb, I’m like, always give it a taste first,” before deciding if the food is salty, Lahbichi said.
And if you’re on the receiving end of bland or salty food, focus on what really matters. “Take the L and go on about the meal and just enjoy the presence of your friends and your chosen family,” Lahbichi advised.
What these different answers show is that this is a nuanced discussion and there’s not a one-size-fits-all rule — so take it all with a grain of salt. As with most etiquette questions, the best option depends on who you are with.