With Christmas round the corner, children all over the world are making lists of the toys that they want. This points attention to the toy chart that is compiled every year and consists of the top 12 toys on the market this during this festive season. Every year it is topped by the 'must have toy' which sparks a price war between the major retailers
This year is no different, with the top 12 toy list being released. I scoured the net to find the list and what the tabloids make of it. One paper that reported on the 'must have' toys this Christmas, was The Daily Mail. They did a run down of each piece of "Amazing technological advancement" in the toy industry.
I want you to remember the quote '"Amazing technological advances", which was used to describe the list by the chairman of the toy picking panel, when I put the number one ranked toy under the spotlight. *Drum Roll* Introducing 'The shitting dog'. Yeah, you read that correctly. Obviously, that's not its name but when you break it down, that's what it is.
It's called the 'Doggie Doo'. It consists of a plastic model dog, playdough, that you feed down it's throat, a splastic spade, to pick up the poo and then you do the process all over again. The Daily Mail got a quote from Alan Simpson, from the Toy Retailers Association, to describe the thinking behind the toy
'Kids like poo, but it's yellow, so it's OK. It's not a normal game, it's wacky.'
Yeahhhh man! Kids love poo! It's wacky! Come on, mate. Who's told you kids love poo? And how clean are your children?
They have taken the worst part of having a dog and turned it into a toy. I'm aware it is to help remind kids, that have dogs, to clean up after their pet. But I can see an increase of dog deaths by force fed playdough. And where is the balance? Where is the plastic cat that you force feed biscuits and they come back up the same way but mixed with fur. There isn't one, because cats are better. My girlfriend doesn't like cats and bases it on the fact that they are disloyal. She knows this because she reckons her auntie's cat REFUSED to move house with her owner when it was time to relocate. She spoiled that cat, obviously.
OWNER: "Come on Tibbles, time to go"
TIBBLES: (Posh voice) "Err no I don't think so, I'm going to stay here thank you very much!"
OWNER: "No no come on now, Tibbles. Into the cat basket"
TIBBLES: "NO! I wasn't consulted about this! I haven't seen the house! I don't know the area! I'm STAYING!"
Eventually she must have got it to the new house
OWNER: "See, Tibbles, it's nice, isn't it?"
TIBBLES: "....I hate you"
Back to the toys
Another 'Big toy' that is set to be in demand this Christmas is the 'Fireman Sam Rescue Set". This consists of a Fireman Sam figure, a little toy plastic ladder and a model house, which is on FIRE!. Putting flames out of a burning building. When did that become a fun thing to do? And where will it stop? 'NEW FROM MATTEL! ASBESTOS IN THE ROOF! Can YOU detect and successfully remove asbestos from your roof before your family develop serious breathing problems!?
These are the "Amazing technological advances" that are on the market today, reported by the Daily Mail. And they haven't even mentioned the 'My first immigrant poking stick'!