If you need a refresher course in shade, allow Quincy Jones to show you how it's done.
The Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony-winning record producer sat down with GQ for a wide-ranging interview about his career, his childhood on the South Side of Chicago and the current music scene. And boy, he did not hold back.
When asked about the biggest musicians of the moment, Jones voiced his approval for several artists, including Kendrick Lamar, Bruno Mars and Mary J. Blige. But when pressed on the subject of Taylor Swift, Jones made a face.
"We need more songs, man," Jones told GQ. "Fucking songs, not hooks."
Interviewer Chris Heath reminds Jones that some people consider Swift "the great songwriter of our age."
"Whatever crumbles your cookie," Jones laughs.
Forget "I don't know her." Forget "Ask Taylor." "Whatever crumbles your cookie" is now the shadiest sentence of our time.
That said, Jones' opinion of Swift's music wasn't the only fascinating tidbit in the interview, which you can read in full here. Here are seven more unbelievable moments from Jones' off-the-wall GQ profile.
1. Jones says he has 22 girlfriends across the world.
"Hell yeah. Everywhere," Jones said. "Cape Town. Cairo. Stockholm—she's coming in next week. Brazil—Belo Horizonte, São Paulo, and Rio. Shanghai—got a great girl over there from Shanghai, man. Cairo, whew."
2. ...and he would never consider dating a woman his own age.
"You gotta be kidding," Jones said. "I got me some technology out there that keep fat and old away from here. Buzzes if they're too old."
Jones tweeted an apology for his comments before the article's publication. "The comments were insensitive and inappropriate and I sincerely apologize for them," Jones wrote.
3. His daughter Rashida Jones was bitten by Michael Jackson's chimpanzee Bubbles.
″...the chimpanzee, whatever the f**k it was, he was a pain in the ass," Jones said. "He bit Rashida. My poor baby."
4. He once complimented the Pope on his "pimp shoes."
"He had on some burgundy wingtips, man, with thin tan rib socks, man," Jones told GQ. "We had to go and kiss his hand before we left. And when I kissed his hand, I looked down and saw those shoes and it just fell out of my mouth. I said, 'Oh, my man's got some pimp shoes on.' And he heard me."
5. He survived a car crash that killed four of his friends when he was a teenager.
"A little raggedy-ass car," Jones described. "Two up front and three in the back. I'm in the center. Trailways bus hit us. Everybody in the car died except for me. Reached up and pulled my friend, and his head fell off. That's fucked-up for 14. It was very traumatic."
6. Michael Jackson once told Jones that Prince tried to run him over with his limo.
After giving an embarrassing performance, Prince "told Michael he'd kill him" if Jackson showed the footage to anyone, Jones says.
"Oh yeah, [Prince] spoke to [Jackson]. [Prince] waited in the limousine to try and run over him and La Toya and his mother," Jones added.
7. Jones was supposed to be at Sharon Tate's house the night she and four of her guests were brutally murdered.
"I forgot about it," Jones said of the dinner party. "Oh my God, it was freaky."