Reverend Richard Coles has opened up about his late partner’s alcoholism, over a year after his death.
David Coles was just 42 when he died in December 2019.
In his book The Madness of Grief: A Memoir of Love and Loss, Richard opens up about David’s addiction, explaining that he wanted to wait until now to reveal his cause of death to “get a sense of why David was so important to those who loved him”.
“It was really, really tough to see somebody you love destroy himself,” he writes.
“It is like someone is drowning and you throw them a lifebelt but they are just not taking the lifebelt.
“And I did try everything I could think of to help him stop drinking, and in fairness to him he did try too, but it was too much for him.”
Richard explains: “I often think if someone dies of drink as people used to say, that people filed them under a sort of tragic, squalid death. David was so much more than that.
“I wanted to get a sense of why David was so important to those who loved him before we got to a discussion of what killed him.”
David, who was also in the clergy, met Richard after one of his sermons.
Recalling their first meeting, Richard writes: “He said he wanted to talk to me about spiritual matters.
“I took a cigarette off him and we talked and after a while he said ‘I’ve got a personal agenda here’.
“It came as a huge surprise to me and also I am so gormless about that sort of thing that I wouldn’t have noticed anyway. He was quite determined.”
Following David’s death, Richard was forced to contact the police after receiving hate mail containing abusive messages suggesting that his partner is “in hell”.
Richard tweeted at the time: “Police called this evening, sympathetic and professional, and my hateful correspondence is now evidence.”
He added: “Also Northamptonshire Police lit a candle in memory of Rev David Coles at their carol service tonight. There appears to be evidence of something in my eye.”
The celebrity vicar entered into a civil partnership with David after the Church of England allowed the ceremonies in 2005.
He and David lived together with their dogs - dachshunds Daisy, Pongo, Audrey and Horatio - in the vicarage of St Mary’s in Finedon, Northamptonshire.
Richard often spoke with love about David and their life together, particularly on his Radio 4 show Saturday Live and during his appearances on Radio 2.
In 2005, Richard was ordained into the Anglican priesthood, and lived a celibate life with David, a curate in a neighbouring parish.
- If you need help with a drinking problem, call the Alcoholics Anonymous national helpline for free on 0800 9177 650 or email help@aamail.org.
- For advice on how to reduce drinking, visit Drinkaware’s website or Alcohol Change UK.
- Find alcohol addiction services near you using this NHS tool.