It’s 2019. It’s a Thursday night, I’m in my kitchen washing the dishes. Still, despite being regularly disheartened by current affairs, I listen to the radio. Today’s topic: should we teach all children about same-sex relationships? This follows the head of Ofsted having backed the teaching of same-sex relationships in primary schools.
Firstly, I’d like to reassure the considerable amount of people on the radio that seem to think teaching children about same sex relationships means showing them the equivalent to the Kama Sutra of gay sex that this is simply not true. Secondly, I think it is important to understand how this fundamental shift in our education programme will influence the children of the next generation. There is no ‘pushing of the gay agenda’, just teaching young people about who they will be sharing the world with.
One perspective I have not heard acknowledged is how it may feel to be a young gay, lesbian or bisexual child not learning that same sex couples exist and the effects that can have. I am yet to hear it taken into consideration how it may feel for a LGB child sitting through a ‘sex education’ class designed for a heterosexual audience.
I’m a 29-year-old gay woman. I have known I was attracted, solely, to women since around age seven. I ‘came out’ to my sister in a basement in China over a can of Budweiser when I was 12, after I had learned there were other gay woman and this was a feeling shared by other women. However, this is not to say I felt I would be accepted. I mean, the fact I insisted my sister eat the piece of paper on which I disclosed my ‘shame’ verifies that (with love and acceptance, she did indeed eat it).
“We don’t need to, they are going to hear about it at university,” some say. It’s true that different people discover their sexuality at different stages of their lives however, I wonder – when did you, a straight person, discover your sexuality? Was it when you went to turned 18? I have experienced first-hand the confusion, isolation and frustration an LGB person is likely to go through when being unable to articulate your feelings at a young age. Prior to this, I spent years feeling like an outsider and struggled to understand what was ‘wrong’ with me, as well as trying to understand why people didn’t speak about what I felt. I even spent a lengthy period of time believing I was supposed to be a male, as that would explain how I felt towards females.
When thinking about the sex education I received at school, I only recall getting told to leave the classroom for playing with the bunsen burner gas taps. On reflection, I believe my actions were an attempt of distraction from what I found to be an uncomfortable experience, which only exacerbated my feelings of being an outsider.
“It’s not natural,” others say, although I can’t help but wonder if the many men making such comments feel it’s ‘unnatural’ when it’s two women on a computer screen in the comfort of their own home. Or are these statements perhaps deep-rooted in you repressing your own homosexuality, which is all too common.
A lot of the arguments against Ofsted rolling out young people being educated around sexuality is that they believe this should be up to the parents ‘who know best’ to explain when they are ‘ready’. I don’t think that parents are always the best role models. Unfortunately, we live in a world where families aren’t always healthy for children, and where abuse begins within the home environment – I know people who have suffered rejection when disclosing their sexuality to family members. My own father once called me a ‘stupid dyke.’ Regrettably, parents aren’t always best placed to educate their children.
I work as a mental health nurse assessing people in emergency situations alongside the police and ambulance service, which means I regularly see first-hand the emotional distress discrimination can cause. Let’s not forget that LGBT people can be at a higher risk of experiencing a mental health problem – is it any wonder why? As an LGBT person you may also be more likely to misuse drugs and alcohol.
I’d argue that for the sake of young LGBT children’s wellbeing and in order to promote their ability to articulate their sexuality that yes indeed we have a responsibility to educate people from a young age about sexuality. I’d also argue that in teaching children from a young age (as they are developing and forming opinions) there are other families outside of a ‘mammy and a daddy’ will help reduce overall homophobia in society. Should we teach all children about same-sex relationships? Absolutely.