Sex workers often have an intimate rapport with their clients, and due to their line of work, they’re privy to people’s deepest sexual desires ― even the ones they might not be comfortable sharing with their romantic partners or other confidantes.
We asked sex workers, including dominatrixes and escorts, to tell us which fantasies their clients bring up most frequently. Here’s what they told us:
1. Sissification
Dominatrix Aleta Cai said the vast majority of her clients are interested in sissification (which is sometimes known as forced feminization), in which a male submissive adopts traditionally feminine behaviors or mannerisms and cross-dresses at the command of the dominant.
“They wanted to be turned into a ‘sissy,’ which of course, is a disempowered and derogatory term for effeminate men,” Cai told HuffPost. “The process would involve humiliation, as the label itself is indicative of emasculation. I’d put these men in bras, panties, sometimes I’d put makeup on them and parade them around in high heels.”
Dominatrix and writer Kitty Stryker said she has also worked with a number of male clients who asked her to “force” them to dress or act in ways that are typically considered feminine, but she prefers to approach things from a feminist perspective.
“As I care deeply about consent, I wouldn’t do scenes involving force, so I would instead cheerlead these men into exploring femininity and what that means to them,” she said. “By breaking open the ideas of what was ‘feminine’ ― and by being a combat boot-wearing punk queer Domme ― I could gently challenge their assumptions about what masculinity meant, and help these men have a more balanced self-expression.”
2. “Forced” bi
Similarly, “forced” bi ― when the dominant partner “makes” the submissive partner (usually male) engage in sexual activities with a partner of the same sex ― isn’t actually forced, as the client and sex worker would have negotiated the terms before the scene begins.
“I got a lot of requests from men for scenes where they would be ‘forced’ to give oral sex to another man while I directed and watched,” Stryker said. “As a queer person, I don’t do any scenes that pivot on treating queer sex acts as ‘bad’ or shameful, so instead I would do encouraged bi scenes.”
She added: “I think part of the eroticism is in the forbidden nature of the fantasy for men, who are often pushed into hypermasculine toxic ideals, but often they hadn’t even considered they could experience this in a way that was affirming.”
Escort and professional dominant Oz Bigdownunder said he often acts as the male sexual partner to clients who are interested in this type of BDSM.
“A typical client would be the regular client of a Mistress who’s been visiting her regularly for months or years and doing role plays where he imagines scenarios with him sucking cock or taking one up the ass,” he said. “He’s taken toys and strap-ons and eventually plucks up the courage to try the real thing. Many fitting this description claim never to have been with a man, but then, when the time comes, you can tell they’re actually quite experienced.”
3. Role-playing
Role plays that touch on power dynamics ― think teacher and student, boss and employee, doctor and patient ― are rather popular fantasies. In these scenarios, Cai said her male clients are usually looking for her to play an authoritative woman abusing her power, but in a safe context.
“Most of these men had some sort of sexual anchor or unresolved tension or trauma with an authority figure. Who doesn’t?” she said. “There’s also the taboo that, in the real situation, they weren’t supposed to be sexually attracted to these people in charge, so in the fantasy scenario, this becomes golden, as it’s always the taboo that heightens eroticism.”
4. Cuckolding
Cuckolding is a kink in which a person (usually a man) gets aroused by watching his partner have sex with another person outside of the relationship. Escort Hayley Jade’s clients often want to watch her be intimate with another man: “Even though I’m not their girlfriend, it’s a cuckold fantasy that’s very common,” she said.
As a male escort, Bigdownunder has participated in men’s cuckolding fantasies as well: He’ll have sex with a female escort while her client looks on. Sometimes the clients just watch; other times, they may jerk off, and other times, they want to get in on the action in some way.
“Often, the client is tied up and helpless,” Bigdownunder said. “Some are in forced chastity, like a cock cage, and aren’t allowed to touch themselves until the end of the session, so it’s more about giving up control and the anticipation. Some of these cuckolding and forced bi sessions also involve more familiar elements of BDSM play like ropes, gags, impact play like spanking or caning, but not all of them.”
5. Threesomes
Having multiple partners at once is a popular turn-on for both men and women, whether they’re single or in a relationship. Jade said she is often asked to have threesomes with a male client and another woman.
“Since they’re attracted to women, obviously the more there are, the better it is for them,” she said.
Other times, the male client just wants to watch her with another woman without him actually participating.
“A lot of men don’t even need to take part,” Jade added. “They get off by just watching two women together.”
6. Blackmail
When Cai started out in the BDSM industry, she said she looked young for her age and spoke softly, so clients would frequently ask her to role-play a student and they’d play the teacher. These scenes would often begin with her in the less powerful position; then the tables would turn and she’d begin exerting control over the client.
“As an added incentive, the fantasy would require me ‘blackmailing’ the client,” she said. “Usually a suggestion like, I’d take a photo of him and send it to his wife, which would never actually happen! Just for verbal fantasy sake.”
While getting blackmailed in real life sounds like a nightmare, in a BDSM scene, it can actually be a turn-on.
“For the client, I do believe there’s something sexy about being outsmarted, being ‘put in your place’ and out of control, in a safe context,” she said. “These things are rather taboo in our society. Sure, there are many films and shows about students or secretaries who seduce their teachers or bosses, but in the real world, there are many consequences that there aren’t in the dungeon.”
Responses have been edited for style and clarity.