I know it's a cliché moment in the Mamma Mia film as she sings to her daughter whilst she dresses her for the wedding. (If you haven't seen the film you must, its one of my guilty pleasures). That moment always brings a tear to my eye. No more than at the moment as I get prepared for Pie to go to school full-time. He is so ready. In fact I know he needs it. He needs the stimulation. But he is my little boy, my mate, and my constant shadow these past four years.
With the exception of work, everywhere I go, he goes. Don't get me wrong there are days when I wish that wasn't the case. But now the time is nearly here, I don't want him to be gone all day every day. I shall miss his crazy conversations. His constant questions and even the daily battles about the toilet! Those rainy afternoons curled up watching a film, where he talks through the entire thing (much to my exasperation). When he begs for the craft box to come out and spends less than 10 minutes engaging in it and an hour cutting paper into tiny pieces for me to pick up. All those little things that I always wish away, I shall miss.
I love our lazy mornings together. Sat in bed drinking our hot drinks and dropping brioche crumbs on his Dad's pillow. The morning showers ending in the inevitable chase around my bedroom attempting to dress him. I will miss his dry wit and those time he slips his hand into mine and whispers you are my best friend Mummy. He is my best friend. Always there with a cuddle when I need one, or something funny to say when things go wrong. My little super-star, looking out for me as much as I do for him.
For the first time he will have a whole life away from me. New friends and new experiences that I won't be able to directly share with him. Of course it will be good for him. I know that, but my Mummy heart wants to scoop him up and hold him close. I want to be the one that knows his every mood or whimsical thought. Each night I spend a little longer with him, as time marches on into September.
Part of me is so excited for him and to see what he will be come in the next year. To watch him grow into his own person, to start to learn who he is and what he can do. I know he will love school and all the opportunities and excitement it offers. There are such wonderful things to come. But I can't help but feel a sense of loss as I guide him out into the world, to take his first steps into independence.