Dating apps can be a hit or miss, but some women are really paying for their Tinder experience...literally.
The latest Netflix documentary The Tinder Swindler follows the stories of three women who have been scammed by a man going by the name Simon Leviev.
Without spoiling it too much, Leviev showers them with gifts, compliments and promises for the future. When they’re convinced they’re in solid, committed relationships, he tells them he’s in danger and in need of vast quantities of money.
The documentary – and the sheer volume of cash changing hands – is shocking, so it’s not surprising that buzz around the doc has taken over social media.
But people have differing opinions about the show, and not all of them are welcome.
The women – including Cecilie Fjellhøy and Pernilla Sjöholm who took out loans of almost half a million dollars between them – have been called everything from “naive” to “gold diggers” on social media. There are also a lot of memes asking how they didn’t notice “red flags”.
We need to remember that they’re the victims here.
Coercive control, which includes financial abuse, has been recognised as a criminal offence in England and Wales since 2015. Yet a lot of the comments surrounding the show are centred on victim-blaming.
Outside of The Tinder Swindler, men and women are facing romance fraud. The documentary may be shocking, but this does happen in real life, albeit (usually) on a smaller scale.
What are some signs someone we’re dating is using us for fraud?
Lisa Mills, senior fraud manager at the charity Victim Support, says: “Romance fraudsters are skilled manipulators, but there are some tell-tale signs that the person you’re speaking to online might not be who you think they are.”
“Often, fraudsters will claim their phone or laptop is broken or that they have a job which requires secrecy. Asking for money is an immediate red flag,” she says. “They might say they need the cash for a time critical emergency, for example, to pay an hospital urgent bill.”
Another thing to be wary of is someone asking you for sensitive information or requesting copies of key documents like your driving licence and passport – as we saw in the documentary. Again, never give out this information.
What should we do if someone asks us for a large sum of money?
Let’s say you’ve met someone online and they ask you for money out of the blue, how should you respond? Mills tells HuffPost to always say no. “It doesn’t matter how they dress up the request – whether they’re asking for money from your savings, for you to take out a loan or for you to buy them vouchers for somewhere like Amazon,” she says.
“Beware that they might try to convince you by using emotive language, saying things like, ‘but I thought we were in love’, or ‘I really need help, we have such a special connection’. It’s also important that you never accept money from third parties into your account – they might be trying to use you for money laundering. ”
What should you do if you think someone you’re dating has used you for fraud?
“If you think you have been a victim of romance fraud, Victim Support can help – even if you don’t feel able to report it to the police. We offer free, confidential support to deal with the practical and emotional impacts of what you’ve been through,” Mills says.
“You can report the fraud to Action Fraud, and report any loss of money to your bank – depending on the circumstances they may be able to help get it back. Finally, report the fraudster’s rogue dating profile to the website Scamalytics.”
She also recommends keeping a high level of security across your social media accounts and if you’re using dating websites, stay on their messaging service for as long as possible.
“Do not be persuaded to quickly switch to something like WhatsApp or Google Hangouts, until you have satisfied yourself that the person you are speaking with is genuine,” she says.
These tips might help keep you safe. But most importantly, remember that if you (or someone you know) has been scrammed by romance fraud, the victim is never to blame. It is always, always, the perpetrator.