Teen pregnancy is a topic I feel very strongly about because, in 1990, I became a teenage mum. I was 17, it was my first romance, and I thought I knew it all. I had just finished my first year of sixth-form college and, in my mind, I was a grown-up. Finding out I was pregnant was exciting, but the reality of being pregnant wasn’t. I quickly realised my life was drastically going to change and in ways I couldn’t yet process. Even though I was embarking on a more mature chapter of my life, in some ways I felt like I was starting from scratch.
I’m not going to lie – it was hard. I went from discovering and revelling in my newfound independence to becoming dependent all over again. Dependent on family, on local resources and on the government to get myself back on track.
It all worked well in the end – I am now the proud mother of a grown-up son and a beautiful grandson. But three decades on, I’m interested to know how much life as a teen parent has changed.
Statistically, the teen pregnancy rate in England and Wales has more than halved since 1998 and is now at its lowest level since records began in the 1960s. But it’s still a reality for thousands of young women. In 2016, the most recent year covered by official statistics, an estimated 18,086 women under the age of 18 became pregnant, 2,821 of them under 16.
I gathered four young women who all had children in their teens to speak to HuffPost UK about their lives as teen mums and their dreams for the future.
‘Creating a new life is nothing to be ashamed of’
Dilys 26, from Kent is mum to Janae, eight:
I was 17 going on 18 when I fell pregnant with my daughter and it definitely wasn’t planned. I was with my partner for three years before she came along. We split up shortly afterwards.
I was estranged from my own father at the time but when I was about three months pregnant, I called him to tell him he was going to be a grandfather. He took the news quite well, I think because he wanted me to come home – my mother died when I was six and my father raised my sister and me single- singlehandedly.
There is still a bit of a stigma about being pregnant in your teenage years and I felt it. I was quite embarrassed at the time, like everyone was staring at me. But as I’ve got older and looked back, I wish I had embraced and celebrated my pregnancy because creating a life is nothing to be ashamed of.
I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy simply because I didn’t know how to. I had no clue of what I was going to do after I had her. I just thought: I’m pregnant, I’m keeping it, I don’t know what each day will bring but I will take it day by day. Even though I was pregnant I continued with my education.
When Janae was born and for a long time after I never felt like a mum. It felt like she was just a child I had to look after. It’s something I feel a bit guilty about because I bonded with her quite late. Those strong maternal feelings only really surfaced about two years ago.
I went back to work when Janae was a year old. A lot of young mums I know take pride in the fact they are working to support their families without the help of the state and, to be fair, I feel there is a pressure for young mothers to return to work simply because there is not much offered to you by the government.
When our generation applies for benefits, it’s not a long term thing. I moved out of the family home and was in temporary accommodation for four years. When we were living with my dad, I was quite comfortable. Since I’ve moved out, I struggle, but I wanted to build my family, to go off and start something new with my daughter.
When I finally got allocated a house, at first I was upset with where I was given – I was born and raised in east London but they placed me in Kent. I even went to see a solicitor about the possibility of being rehoused. But it’s worked out well and I’m happy where I am now. On reflection, I have no regrets.
My future is me and my daughter. I love her unconditionally and work to ensure I can give her the best. Being a teen parent hasn’t put me off having more children, I would just do things a bit differently now. I wouldn’t rush to have a baby with someone. I would see how it plays out before making that decision.
‘Having our baby has made our relationship stronger’
Ella, 19, from Southend, Essex is mum to Levi, four months:
When I found out I was pregnant with Levi I had mixed emotions but after the dust settled I was really excited. I’ve been with my partner for over three years and even though Levi wasn’t planned, we were both over the moon.
I found that there was lots of things available for mums to be, like classes and parenting groups, but nothing that really catered for young mums like me in my area. I actually enjoyed being pregnant but the hardest part for me was finding accommodation. We are renting privately at the moment and we found not many people want to rent to young people who have children or pets.
I didn’t feel there was a stigma at all about being a teen mum. No one was judgmental, all my family and friends were happy for us and looked forward to the new arrival. And having our baby has made our relationship stronger. We are closer than ever and it seems like it’s us against the world.
Even though Levi is only four months old there have been some great highlights, watching him grow daily and weekly and spending some quality time with him. I live near the seaside so it’s nice to take a stroll to the seafront in the days. I plan to go back to work quite soon. I don’t want to but there is a financial pressure.
We get help in terms of benefits but once we’ve paid all the bills, I’m just left with the child benefit which is £20. I’m making plans to better myself, I’m going to start taking driving lessons and we are looking at permanent accommodation – we will look at social housing and see what our options are. But my main priority is raising my son in a loving, secure family environment.
‘I have a good support network and that’s made it easier’
Jelisa, 25, from London is mum to Kaiden, seven:
For me the biggest part of being a teenage parent was the loneliness. I was 17 when I fell pregnant and six months into the pregnancy my son’s father decided that he didn’t want to be dad and I’ve not seen him since. I was very young and didn’t really know what I was getting myself into and found it quite difficult to access government-run things. I knew help was available but it wasn’t really highlighted.
However, I had a good family support network and that made parenting a little bit easier. Kaiden is the first boy grandchild so he was always going to be spoilt rotten. I didn’t bond with him straight away – it happened when he was about two months old. I actually felt a bit of a disconnect when he was born. I was very emotional a lot of the time but the love I have for him now is indescribable.
When he was a baby, I was told by the health visitor about a mother and baby parenting class. I was really excited about it and I wanted to go but the reality was I was scared because I was so young and I didn’t want people staring at me. Also I had nobody to go with because at that time none of my friends or young family members had a baby. I used to hear comments like: “You’ve just come out of school why would you want go and get yourself pregnant?”
As the baby started to grow it quickly on me how much I was missing out on. I felt like I had to stay in when all my friends were out enjoying life; like I had fallen into a trap and now I had to deal with it. Now I’m no longer that 17-year-old girl, I’ve got my stuff together and I know what I’m doing.
From very early on I made sure I was going to do something with my life to ensure that my boy and me had a secure future. I’ve always worked; you don’t get much in terms of benefits so you can’t really stay at home. Living at home was a great help and the support I received from my family was amazing.
After waiting for almost seven years on the council housing list, I finally moved into my own place. I absolutely love the space and independence, and this September I’m going to university to study childcare and social work.
I’m only five minutes away from the family home and that’s great because Kaiden knows he can go to anyone in the family. I’m extremely lucky I’ve got my mum, my grandma and even my great grandma. He has been raised with four generations and we are all mum to him. It’s the love, the energy and the life skills they have shown me and for that I will always be grateful.
‘I’ve found it easier being a single parent’
Hannah, 23 is mum to Esmae, three and Mason, two:
I was 19 when I had my first child, my daughter Esmae, and Mason followed the next year. I was in a committed relationship with my children’s father – we were together for seven years – but I have been single for the last two.
With both pregnancies, we were both very excited about becoming parents and I loved being pregnant. I felt no stigma about becoming a teen mum. The only person who raised any kind of issue was my grandmother but I put that down to a generational thing.
There were loads of support options but I didn’t use them apart from one class I went to with my sister and my brother’s girlfriend. It was really good, giving me a bit more insight into parenting and pregnancy. There were other parents there the same age as me so we shared tips. It gave us a bit of a heads up of what was to come.
At the start, it was a little bit difficult living together as a new family, but we worked through it. When Esmae was born, we were renting privately, but when Mason came along we went to the council and were placed on the social housing list. After a year and a half, I was allocated a two bedroom house.
My family have always been brilliant. I have quite a few brothers and sisters and we are really close. Anyway I need them, they are there: to watch the kids or if I need emotional support. I also have very good friends around me. I’ve never felt isolated. f
Funnily enough, when we split up, I found it easier being a single parent. You can do everything by yourself. You don’t have to worry about another adult so much. You just do what’s best for your children without anybody else’s input.
I’m a stay at home mum at the moment but I do want to go back to work. I don’t feel that pressure because of my support network, but I want to better myself. Not just for me but also for my kid’s future – to show them a good life.