Kids have a knack for saying the funniest things – whether they’re mispronouncing things, misidentifying animals or throwing copious amounts of shade at their parents.
Thankfully the internet’s community of parents aren’t shy about sharing such moments of hilarity – which are, let’s face it, often at their expense.
Without further ado, here are some absolute corkers kids have come out with that are guaranteed to bring a smile to your day.
1.
My 3-year-old came to tell me there was a “big big chicken” in our yard and you will never guess what it actually was
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 7, 2023
BIG BIG CHICKEN pic.twitter.com/Edo9TMuYo4
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 7, 2023
2.
My 3yo just said "Dad, can you just have a little go away please", which is the politest way to say "piss off" I've ever heard.
— Imogen Hermes Gowar (@girl_hermes) April 2, 2022
3.
I told my 3yo she couldn’t play with makeup, so she ran away sobbing and yelling, “Alexa, play crying music!”
— Jessica Khoury (@jkbibliophile) January 16, 2019
(SHE SAID THAT!!!)
So now Alexa’s playing some funeral dirges and 3yo is sadly playing along on a recorder
😐
4.
My 3yo pointed to the baby and said “this guy? Do you want this guy? This guy??? Or” and then he pointed to himself, “do you want this guy?!”
— Bridie Jabour (@bkjabour) March 30, 2021
I have no idea where this has come from and it’s in the top three funniest things I have ever seen
5.
I came out the shower and my 4yo said “oh mummy not your boobies again” so I told her she’d have boobies when she grows up and she said “no I won’t because when I grow up I’ll be a flamingo”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 4, 2021
6.
3yo: No one at school said they liked my tights today.
— Lindsay King-Miller (@AskAQueerChick) June 19, 2019
Me: Really?
3yo: I think it's because everyone liked my tights but they were confused about who should tell me.
7.
4yo nephew: I want to be a grown up.
— Grant Tucker (@GrantTucker) March 31, 2019
Me: Why?
4yo nephew: So I can touch strippers.
Me: What?!?!
4yo: I want to touch a stripper.
My sister: He said strimmers! He’s going through a big gardening phase and dad won’t let him touch the strimmer.
8.
I was talking to my husband about what it would be like to have a third kid when my 4yo wrapped his little hand in mine and said, “mom, I would be pissed.”
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 10, 2022
9.
Told my 4yo he had a moth crawling on the back of his neck and he just said very plainly “identify it”
— interested in plants (@Foaming_Agent) August 17, 2020
10.
Took my girls to see Little Mermaid.
— Stacy Buxton Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) May 28, 2023
When King Trident realizes Ariel is gone and says, “What have I done?” my 5yo said, at top volume in a silent theatre, “You didn’t do anything, that girl just don’t listen!”
🤦🏻♀️🤣
11.
6yo: A boy at school said he loved me.
— Buffaluffagus 🙈 (@MissSassy_Pants) April 27, 2019
Me: Oh really??
6yo: Yeah. I don't even care.
Me: ᴮᵉ ᵐʸ ˡᶦᶠᵉ ᶜᵒᵃᶜʰ
12.
7yo asked my wife how girls & boys are different. So he & I took a walk. I said he can ask any questions at all & no need to be embarrassed. He asked
— Will Dean (@willrdean) October 26, 2021
1. what are eyebrows for?
2. has anyone ever fallen into a black hole?
3. what would happen if there were no toilets in the world?
13.
My 5yo just walked into the room, sighed heavily and said "if I had to show every one my booty to save the universe I would."
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 22, 2016
14.
my 6yo daughter just threw a ball while farting and then very confidently said “I call THAT move a Fartblaster”
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) January 18, 2021
15.
My 7yo son just stuffed his face with almost 2lbs of grapes, choked/spat up and said he’s never eating healthy again because the grapes tried to kill him. pic.twitter.com/LOkhSERhHt
— Princess (@themultiplemom) January 31, 2023
16.
My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.
— Katie Cook (@katiecandraw) August 24, 2018
Me: what did you say to that?
My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me. #parenting
17.
My 9 yo just came downstairs and said he and his 7yo brother were playing a game they called doggy style.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 18, 2022
They were dressing up our dog in different clothes. I almost died.
18.
8yo held my hand and said, “I feel tension. What’s troubling you?” I told him about the stress of being away.
— RanaAwdishMD (@RanaAwdish) October 12, 2019
He says, “take us with you next time, or plan a vacation where you don’t work.”
And then rolled his eyes and muttered “it’s like I have to teach them everything.”
19.
My 8yo just said she’s “lactose intelligent,” so hit her up with any pressing dairy questions.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 5, 2018
20.
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
21.
My 8yo just told me she's writing a book and that she finished the intro. Send it to me I said. Okay she said. pic.twitter.com/5UpLfXFzYu
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) November 26, 2019
22.
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering. Now I'm free!"
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) December 21, 2013
23.
My 9yo just said that at her funeral she wants someone to toss a bouquet of flowers "to see who's next"...should I be concerned????
— Prerna (Prayer-na) Pickett 🌲🦌 (@prernapickett) July 20, 2021
24.
My 9yo said “Raking is good because it’s like scratching the Earth’s back,” and this is basically one of the top 5 reasons I had kids.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 7, 2018