Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Let's get married and have kids so instead of that pub crawl we got invited to you can make a dinner they will hate while I walk around the house turning off lights.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 1, 2018
It's not a successful play date if it doesn't end with a parent tossing a crying kid over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes because they don't want to leave.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 5, 2018
👦🏼 dada cah i take my shirt off?
👱🏼♂️ No dude, we're at the grocery store!
👦🏼 not appopiate here? appopiate at home?
This kid is so ready for swear words.
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) June 4, 2018
One minute you're wild and free and the next you're just hoping to be able to take a shower without being interrupted 17 different times.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) June 6, 2018
"You're grounded. And you're grounded. Now I'm grounded. Your dad is grounded. The whole family is grounded."
Summer break, day 10.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 4, 2018
It's 6am somewhere!
~Toddlers waking up at 4am.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 6, 2018
Someone on Facebook just posted pictures of her "baby moon" and from what I understand, my husband owes me three tropical vacations.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 6, 2018
Kids: Yay! Summer break!
Me: Look at this Back to School Countdown Calendar I've created. EVERYBODY GETS ONE!
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 3, 2018
Enjoying a leisurely dip in the hotel hot tub? Enjoy it while it lasts cause here comes my kids.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 5, 2018
How to summon a mom:
*Make a circle with black leggings
*Blast some 90s rap
*Put a Target bullseye in the center
*Start making margaritas
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 6, 2018
[bones crack as I move]
ME: I'm too young for this...
KIDDO: [at a distance] YOU'RE NOT YOUNG!
ME: pic.twitter.com/DodBp3uHaa
— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) June 5, 2018
Our 4 year old is attempting to rub two breadsticks together to start a fire.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) June 2, 2018
My boys just ranked everyone in our home from funniest to least funny. They gave me the 5th place spot right behind my 2 year old. There are 5 of us.
— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) June 7, 2018
Hey parents who are complaining because their kids have been home from school for 4 whole days- my oldest is three. She's been home for 1,272 days straight.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 7, 2018
8-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?
Me: Two months.
8: Too soon.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 7, 2018
Life hack: If you tell the pizza delivery person "Thanks so much, you're making our Pajama Day awesome!" when you and your toddler answer the door in pj's, you transform from the mom who couldn't get her shit together into the fun mom who hosts theme days.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 5, 2018
Because parents deserve to have a little fun too pic.twitter.com/DzMBgpdz2E
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) June 2, 2018
My daughter's favorite thing to do is use up all the tape.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 3, 2018
9: I can't run.
9: (runs down street after ice cream truck): I AMMMMMM USAINNNN BOLLLLT!
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) June 7, 2018