The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 10-16)

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.

Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!

told the kids i had trouble with handwriting when i was little and 5yo asked if it was "because pens were made of feathers"
— priyanka mattoo (@naanking) February 14, 2024

My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2024

Husband and I separately bought the kids the same chocolate lollipops today “for no reason,” which means we secretly stopped at the same chocolate shop, which means we’ll probably give each other the same box of chocolates tomorrow. We’re like a zero-drama Gift of the Magi.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 13, 2024

my wife played "some great heights" by the postal service for the 12-year-old and he said "this sounds like a phone alarm"
— rob harvilla (@harvilla) February 16, 2024

So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 14, 2024

Yall why I asked one of my 4yos how was his lunch and looked me dead in my eyes and said “you can have it. Mommy don’t cook right”.

💀💀💀💀💀
— Princess (@themultiplemom) February 12, 2024

the good news: we were finally early to a birthday party

the bad news: 23 hours early
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 10, 2024

My 5yo: AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO SIT IN THE CHAIR SO I BE CRAZY AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIR
Me:
5yo: WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR. GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 14, 2024

when does taylor come out?

-my soon to be disappointed 7 year old daughter
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) February 12, 2024

I was a better parent before I had kids bc I didn’t know about negotiating with a 3yo. Tonight he asked for ice cream, I said “no you had a popsicle” he said “that was a snack, ice cream is dessert” I gave in, I can’t debate the difference between snack and dessert for an hour??
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 15, 2024

My kids are once again fighting over which side of a Twix is better, the left side or the right side, because kids can argue about anything.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 11, 2024

9 was upset at dinner. When I asked him why he's mad or who he's mad at, he gestured at all 4 of us at the dinner table and said "this. everything". ok cool.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 13, 2024

My kid is learning about facts vs opinions at school, but so far he's only used it to insult his brother, and then announce BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 14, 2024

WOULDNT IT BE TRAGIC IF DAD JOKES WERE REALLY JUST MOM JOKES, BUT REPEATED BY A DAD MORE LOUDLY? https://t.co/eA5593KsdL
— Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil (@OneWheelONeil) February 15, 2024

one thing I've learned with absolute certainty, from raising four teenagers, is that the peak of human musical creation occurred during the 1980s
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) February 13, 2024

7: I want a nipple

Me: What now?

7: A nipple, like brother, on his chin!

Me: You mean a dimple?

7: Ohhhh…yeah maybe

Me: Yeah, for sure.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) February 15, 2024

My daughter told me that she knows monsters aren’t real because she hasn’t died from one yet
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 15, 2024

Ever been so desperate you ask your kids for help?

"Do you remember when your mom told me to wake her up from her nap? Was it 7 pm, because it's 11:45 pm now.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 13, 2024