Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also she is only 12 when we buy movie tickets.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 19, 2023
*road trip*
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 16, 2023
husband, day 1: absolutely no eating in the car
husband, day 4: *handing brisket to the kids in the backseat*
After bursting into my screaming daughter’s room to find a fly on her pillow, I learned we really need to discuss the meaning of “emergency”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 16, 2023
Our kid's music teacher was introducing 7/8 meter, but she was counting it like "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, (breath)" making it actually just 4/4, and my wife was grinning at me as I slowly lost my mind
— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) July 20, 2023
The stages of sharing a vacation rental with another family are:
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 20, 2023
1. Wish we were more like them
2. At least we’re not like them
We have not yet agreed to the hamster, but my daughter is manifesting it. pic.twitter.com/iqHVKlG3eH
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 19, 2023
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 16, 2023
Before I became a parent I had no idea there were so many different ways to count to 3.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 17, 2023
My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 17, 2023
My youngest found an “I’m a big sister” t-shirt, wore it to camp, and now it’ll take 9 months till the neighborhood believes I’m not pregnant
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 20, 2023
I tucked in my darling seven year old daughter and pulled close her drapes. I kissed her goodnight and she asked Alexa to serenade her to sleep. “Alexa, play Freak on a Leash”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 18, 2023
you know your kids are getting older when they start to argue the logic of daniel tiger
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 18, 2023
The little kids behind us as we fly into Hawaii:
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 17, 2023
“Do we get to land in the ocean?”
“I’m going to miss that tiny toilet.”
“I thought we were going to Mexico.”
There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and your kids have lost the remote again.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023
Hate to break it to you but cancel culture is real. I made one “Hi Hungry, I'm Dad” joke when my daughter had friends over and from now on when she has friends over I have to be in a different room.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 20, 2023
If you want your kids to respect you you must beat them in Mario Kart.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 18, 2023
“I have to do everything around here”
— kidversations (@kidversations_) July 17, 2023
⁃my child, who doesn’t even wipe his own ass
My favorite thing in TV shows is when they show actual childhood photos of the actor because you know the actor had to ask their mom if they had any old photos of them for their TV show and you know she was so excited to dig up her favorite ones for everyone to see her baby on TV
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 20, 2023
Get you a 4 yo so you can hear them say things like, “When are we going to stop this car so I can get some hugs?”
— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) July 16, 2023
Whoever designed toddlers really knew what they were doing. I left my 2yo alone for a minute and he completely trashed the room and when I walked in he just looked up at me all wide eyed with his arms out and goes, "What I dooed?"
— Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) July 19, 2023
My son was already cuddling with my wife by the time my daughter made her way to our room this morning, prompting her to throw herself to the ground in protest. So now the official cuddle rankings in the family are:
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 20, 2023
- my wife
- cold, hard tile floor
- me