Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
no parenting books or conversations ever prepared me for what to do when I hear "I was bored so I woke the baby up"
— Made in Cosmos ✨ (@made_in_cosmos) July 7, 2024
Every kid turns into a mall walker when the lifeguard yells NO RUNNING
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 8, 2024
Kids have been at camp for 10 days now - we've been so curious to hear ANYTHING about camp and finally one letter came last week - which opened with the heartfelt and powerful words of:
— Tom Flood (@tomflood1) July 8, 2024
"had to write this letter to get a snack"
My 6yo has informed me that in the event of tomatoes we need to go into a small room or basement
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 11, 2024
was trying to get my 2yo to nap on vacation, so i offered her a cheddar square to nibble on and said “let’s lie down on our cot and read a book in the nice quiet darkness together.” since then she has been asking to “eat cheese in the darkness”
— Katie Chironis (@kchironis) July 7, 2024
Me when our kids were toddlers: whew please stop talking for 6 seconds.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 6, 2024
me now that 2 of my kids are teenagers: please...talk to me. I miss you.
Made homemade chicken nuggets last night and my kids actually loved them and ate them so now I plan to be insufferable on the internet to other parents who feed their kids FROZEN nuggets (aka POISON).
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 9, 2024
My 1yo and 3yo have teamed up to tell knock knock jokes and it is so hilarious. The 3yo will say “knock knock!” And then pause, and the 1yo will nod sagely and knock twice on a nearby surface. It’s giving toddler Penn and Teller.
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) July 10, 2024
8 yr old says, it’s no fair you get to look at screens when we can’t
— Brian Merchant (@bcmerchant) July 10, 2024
I say I have to for work, I have to write an article. If you want to use a screen to write my article, by all means
He says sure, I’ll write your article, and gives me back my computer after a minute pic.twitter.com/sDjl3JmWqo
A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.
— mahrukh (@parhloumahrukh) July 7, 2024
If your first kid is starting kindergarten, I highly recommend buying them a slightly too big shirt in every color and stocking up the dress up box, because Spirit Days are coming and they will knock the wind out of you and keep punching
— sarah (@sarahradz_) July 9, 2024
My daughter came up to me and asked me how to spell “sir”, so I spelled it for her, then she said “I already knew that” and walked away. What kind of power play is this??
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 10, 2024
6yo: Is your boss a boy?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 9, 2024
Me: Yes. But girls can be bosses also.
6yo: I know. Mommy is your boss at home.
My kids, after they’ve said they’re full, “but our dessert stomach is empty!”
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) July 9, 2024
Me: My daughters are fighting non stop this summer.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 9, 2024
Parent with sons: My boys tore off our garage door yesterday and painted 1/5 of our house orange.
Woman on the tube: How old is your baby?
— Miranda Keeling (@MirandaKeeling) July 10, 2024
Mum: She's two and a half weeks.
Woman: Wow. What's her name?
Mum: Still deciding.
Little Girl nearby: My name's Martha (pause) So you can have that for free.
my tv remote was malfunctioning and i said, "this is driving me crazy" and my 3yo came over to me and said very earnestly, "Mommy, you are NOT crazy!" and i needed that reassurance more than i thought đź’€
— emily may (@emilykmay) July 10, 2024