Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Being a mom is so weird because other kids can sense it and they'll just randomly hand you a piece of trash.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 17, 2024
My 6yo doesn't want to go to the park because he's tired of wearing sun scream
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 15, 2024
I realized that my dear sweet daughter thought having your period is a *choice* and now she’s crying because I informed her it is not
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 19, 2024
My 3yo just told me, wrathfully, "Well, if you won't play with me then I'm gonna take a NAP on the COUCH!"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 19, 2024
Ooooh. That'll show me.
My kids come up with all these cute and silly names for their made up games for instance the dancing competition on the trampoline is called the tramp dance
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) June 16, 2024
Heard another dad at the park refer to the approaching ice cream truck as the music truck. His kid didn’t make one mention of ice cream, just said “oh cool, I love the music truck!” I was stunned. Absolutely brilliant.
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 20, 2024
My 13yo told me we're never truly alone, because we're always carrying 2 1/2 pounds of fungi, bacteria, and mites on our bodies at all times. And I've never wanted to forget something so badly before in my life.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 18, 2024
Today will go down in family history as she day my mother forgot her reading glasses and began showing my four year old The Aristocrats, instead of The Aristocats.
— Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) June 17, 2024
no one:
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 18, 2024
not a soul:
my daughter: if I ever get rich I'm going to buy a family crypt for all of us because we don't want random dead people buried around us
When little kids play baby dolls nowadays, do they tuck dolly into the cradle with blankie, or do they dress her in a sleep sack and put her in an empty crib, drowsy but awake?
— Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) June 19, 2024
“Where the hell have I been?”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) June 17, 2024
-my infant waking up from a nap probably
Wow ok when I said my teen eats everything I was exaggerating... pic.twitter.com/11vYzPemZO
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) June 19, 2024
Wellness experts: Get plenty of rest, eat whole foods while sitting down, focus on fruits and vegetables, get rid of stress in your life
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 19, 2024
Me, standing at my kitchen counter mainlining chocolate marshmallow ice cream after another sleepless night with the baby: Sounds good
My son asked me if we could do the Irish goodbye at his class party so I bumped him up in the will.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 17, 2024
When you get overstimulated by your kids just go outside, take a few deep breaths, and run as fast as you can and just never go back.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 19, 2024
Me and my son are the only ones home tonight and he talked to me for 2 straight hours until I said "Hey bud I just need a half an hour to do a little bit of work," and he said sympathetically "I bet," then continued talking to me for another 2 hours.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 19, 2024
Things that now seem obvious but I did not consider before having kids:
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 15, 2024
-you can’t just take an Uber
-they are always in your house, even at night, you can’t leave
-you cannot pee/shower alone, even if you lock the door, they’ll wait outside
-must feed and water constantly
none of my babies have ever really taken to a pacifier what is their problem????
— amil (@amil) June 19, 2024
I ruined my toddler’s life this morning. Yeah, I accidentally flushed the toilet for him, and before he got the chance to say goodbye to his poop.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 20, 2024
My kid does not eat eggs. This has been established for years. But she picked out a bluey cookbook at her book fair. It has a omelet recipe. So she made an omelet and she is sitting here eating it??? Because it’s a bluey omelet??
— sarah (@tallowqueen) June 18, 2024
My 10yo daughter got in the car this afternoon and was like “workin hard or hardly workin” someone get this kid an honorary dad card.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) June 18, 2024
Dads be like:
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 16, 2024
I’m really proud you’re getting your own place. It’s now time we have the talk.
Dewalt and Ryobi and others all have an exclusive battery system and you’ll want to just commit to one…
If you want to hide something from your kids, put it in the laundry basket under the clean laundry.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) June 18, 2024
my 13yo stepdaughter just said, "remember when the night before vacation you would have all the suitcases packed and in the car and the house totally clean and we would wake up and you'd have breakfast ready for me and we'd leave? but now we have extra children."
— emily may (@emilykmay) June 17, 2024