Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
APPARENTLY when you’re playing the floor is lava with your child it is bad form to lay down on the floor and allow the lava to consume you. I know this now
— Eka Bakie (@EkaBakie) June 30, 2024
My daughter got a label maker from a relative for Christmas and it is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Not sure what I'm going to do when she actually learns to spell properly. pic.twitter.com/a0MlWUXFdA
— Stephanie H. Murray (@stephmurrayyyy) July 1, 2024
9yo: Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 2, 2024
Me: Depends on the day
9yo: Let’s say it’s a Tuesday
for maybe the last month my son has been asking for “pop pop”. every meal/snack he asks for pop pop. no idea what it was — tried popcorn, pasta, cereal. none of them pop pop. last night he found a pomegranate. we were like “is this pop pop?” and he made a sound of total triumph
— Gabriel (@gbrl_dick) July 1, 2024
Me: 1yo's little baby legs are so chonky and sweet. I want to eat them.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 1, 2024
3yo: Mommy, NO. We do NOT EAT PEOPLE.
My 5yo was trying to convince me to do something and said “if you don’t do it I’m gonna go to my room and go to sleep!” Not the threat she thought it was
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) July 2, 2024
11: wanna hear my duck call sound I can make?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 2, 2024
me: yeah!
11: [cups his hands in the shape of making a duck call sound, releases two fingers in the air, takes a deep breath and..]
11: come here duck.
me: 💀💀 dammit you got me. 😂😂
Me, on the phone with my 10 yo who’s at camp:
— Panagis Galiatsatos, MD, MHS (@panagis21) June 29, 2024
“How’s the food?”
Her: Eh. There’s no feta and no olives. And the olive oil doesn’t taste good.
Me, 🥺, holding back tears of pride knowing I raised her right with Greek food:
“That’s my girl!”
My daughter was really excited to surprise her cousin with a sleepover at the end of their playdate, so after an elaborate plan, written script, and forced rehearsals so no one forgot their lines, she told her within 10 seconds of getting in the car
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 1, 2024
Took our 10y/o to a Led Zeppelin cover band and afterwards he says to us…“I like how all their songs are all lala lala then all of a sudden they scream AYAYAYAYAYAYAY then they just go back to lala lala again.”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) July 1, 2024
My god…nailed them😆
Saw another dad getting ice at the beach gas station this morning. He said it looked like it was going to be a hot one today. I replied that it already was and just hope we have a breeze today. Just two dads out in the wild living the dream.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 2, 2024
My teen hasn’t finished cleaning her room but she did prepare a PowerPoint for why she needs her own Instagram account.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) June 30, 2024
My daughter ate a peach earlier at my parents house and has now been crying for them so my husband just went to the store to solely get peaches…
— Kayla, MD (@kaylamellis_) June 29, 2024
What are the odds she wants nothing to do with peaches when he gets back????
Places my kid likes to lay down:
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 1, 2024
His bed: ❌
Floor of the Walmart bathroom: ✅
5 minutes after my kid gets new markers pic.twitter.com/xvKvnZGK57
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 29, 2024
My girls are watching The Babysitters Club on Netflix and my husband made the mistake of asking why Mary Anne can't babysit after dark and now he has to listen to my two hour presentation of the Spier family history.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 1, 2024
my daughter announced that I am the better parent.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 29, 2024
my husband: why her?! what criteria are you using?
Kid: um, safety?
my husband: what?! when did I ever let you die?
Me: *I wake up early morning*
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 2, 2024
Toddler [Sitting in my bed]: I’m peeing myself.
So potty training is going well. How was your morning, folks?
someone please make popsicles for toddlers that they can eat like corn on the cob, i'm begging you.
— emily may (@emilykmay) July 2, 2024