Kids may say the strangest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
“FIVE MINUTES TIL BED!” I yell to my daughter because 90% of parenting is stage managing
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 11, 2021
It always shocks people that my twins have totally different personalities. It’s almost like they’re two separate people.
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 12, 2021
May you have the confidence of my child, who asked for a snack five minutes after refusing to eat his meal
— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) May 11, 2021
My daughter (age 3) drew the NYC subway map. The accuracy is astounding. pic.twitter.com/TELdfYm2Ig
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 11, 2021
I changed my 3-year-old's name to Kidney Stone because the irritation he causes has yet to pass
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 10, 2021
Tonight my 4 year old said I made the best ever pizza he’s ever ever had, so if you think I’m taking the credit for a cheap supermarket own brand frozen pizza you’ll be correct
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) May 11, 2021
6 yo : I can't get out of bed.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) May 12, 2021
Me : Why not?
6yo : Because I'm awake, but my hair is still asleep.
My daughter: mom I got you a card
— Nik (@jacaristar) May 9, 2021
The card:
I......................................... pic.twitter.com/nhoRrT2Mm2
Quick question:
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) May 13, 2021
Can you still consider yourself to be a good parent if you mentally refer to your kids as “little turds”?
My toddler threw a clipboard at me. This is no way for a boss to treat an unpaid intern.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 12, 2021
Letting my wife sleep in for Mother's Day before I wake her to ask what's for breakfast.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 9, 2021
I talk a lot of shit for someone who was just dancing to the background music of the YouTube video my kid was watching.
— lilswizzy (@MotherPlaylist) May 8, 2021
No parenting book or blog post prepares you for the first time a young child asks where cryptocurrency comes from.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 11, 2021
WE ARE CLOSED.
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 13, 2021
NOBODY WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE.
-me, when my kids ask for an elaborate snack at bedtime
me: why are you playing with a broken piece of plastic? it's trash, throw it away
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 12, 2021
my kid: pic.twitter.com/SBcx9D3IX5
my four year old made a card and wrote a long message inside it and handed it to me, after I read her “words” i was about to thank her and she whispered “ᴵᵗ’ˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵈᵃᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ” so yeah im pretty humble
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 8, 2021
I noticed my 11yo had me in her phone as “Momzilla” and I was like, "If the shoe fits..."
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 10, 2021
I keep hearing that my picky eater will eventually grow out of this phase but my husband is 43 now and I’m starting to lose hope
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 11, 2021
Here mom, this rock is for you to remember me by in case I fall in lava and get died.
— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) May 13, 2021
—5, being simultaneously sweet and creepy
My child just explained in toddler speak that being a child is getting in the way of how’d she prefer to be spending her time. Apparently, being in a child’s body is holding her back. Sooo . . .
— Dara Beevas (@darairene) May 12, 2021
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