The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
my dad once asked me how to buy cigars online, saying “it wont work on my computer.” i asked him to show me what was going wrong. he then opened a Microsoft Word doc where he had typed “buy cigars online”
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) April 24, 2023
as a society we’re underutilizing bread bowls. like what else could we put in there
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 25, 2023
I still can’t get over each main character getting their own emotional support woman of color https://t.co/jIlcvbMM1d
— B.A. Parker (@aparkusfarce) April 26, 2023
The way "fuchsia" is spelled is absolutely ridiculous. I won't stand for it.
— Elizabeth McCracken (@elizmccracken) April 24, 2023
“so do you have any experience as a cashier?"
— Maxine🍒 (@chaesoberrie) April 25, 2023
Me: pic.twitter.com/R0TZxMCVKx
MY MOM: every time I type a letter it types it twice?
— i bless the rains down in castamere (@Chinchillazllla) April 25, 2023
ME: have you restarted your computer?
MY MOM: (very sadly) I was hoping you'd have a better idea.
Another Hollywood victim of Ozempic pic.twitter.com/CLZnRM0pus
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) April 26, 2023
It’s brutal being a funny person on a dating app. I said an unusual skill of mine is that I can tie a cherry stem into a knot using just my hands and someone asked “but can you tie it with your tongue?”
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) April 27, 2023
“[sic]” is such a petty piece of grammar
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) April 27, 2023
when my nephew says the bad word i taught him: pic.twitter.com/CWgp2ribhh
— 𝕿𝖗𝖎𝖎𝖆𝖉 (@httptrashzy) April 26, 2023
Guy at work just cracked open the loudest Diet Coke and it made me turn my head and look at him and as he poured it into his mug he said “mating call…..”
— meg “Bugs” bitchell (@MeganBitchell) April 26, 2023
no offense to myself but wtf am i doing
— tri (@vxytri) April 26, 2023
me, 31, chatting to my colleagues in their 20s pic.twitter.com/5b9tJbxBm5
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) April 23, 2023
every pleasure is a guilty pleasure when you have anxiety
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 27, 2023
I saw someone say that she got the ick after her date tried to scare away a pigeon and the pigeon didn’t move 😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/3ofZygKA7l
— Grace (@graceyldn) April 24, 2023
his whole career flashed before his eyes 😭 pic.twitter.com/eVzraiEXI8 https://t.co/UUtBHK9ieG
— yasmin (@ycsm1n) April 24, 2023
Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell are not having an affair bc two people who are secretly sleeping together would stand 100 feet apart and struggle to make eye contact, not gush over each other with their faces 2 inches apart on national television
— abby govindan (@abbygov) April 26, 2023
there was just something about the barnes and noble starbucks…musty pound cake, everyone reading books they had no intention of buying…its weird failure to resemble a real starbucks…
— rax ‘leads with her crotch’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) April 26, 2023
throw a chair at your ex in his honor today 🫡 https://t.co/iQdKLWXczk
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) April 27, 2023
Every viral tweet now has like 9 followups from the author like:
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 24, 2023
My husband got me flowers!
I wanted to clarify my husband and I do equal housework
I did not know tulip farms were so bad for the environment, sorry
I apologize that this was insensitive to people with allergies
my neighbor is five and the other day she showed me her cartwheel!! it was absolutely shit!! knees bent all over the place, her head was in the wrong place? her center of gravity never even made it over her hands it’s just like?? what are they teaching kids in schools these days?
— lemon (@thatbitchlemon) April 22, 2023
*walking on a completely smooth path*
— 𝕿𝖗𝖎𝖎𝖆𝖉 (@httptrashzy) April 23, 2023
my ankle: pic.twitter.com/F14QVu5Zal
I'd be okay with a ghost in the house if every time a bloody message appeared on a wall it was something useful like YOU'RE WEARING THE WRONG SIZED BRA.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 26, 2023
(realizing a guy stopped listening 4 minutes into me talking about how I’m in my applesauce and Sudoku era) Wowwwww. he must be addicted to pornography
— helena (@freshhel) April 26, 2023
My coworker said she never saw the movie I was quoting because it came out before she was born and I’m not sure I can work in these conditions.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 26, 2023
my flight mixed up the captions for Banshees with some other movie and i treated it like coachella pic.twitter.com/HZ7hakBi1h
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) April 27, 2023
I don't want to work in an office I want to have a mysterious and wealthy patron who lets me occupy a wing of their manor in exchange for producing 2-3 paintings a year and attending extravagant social gatherings as a curiosity
— addie 🫀🪡 (@klimtsonian) April 26, 2023