The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
ever since I was a little girl I knew I loved to be right
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 27, 2024
The middle aged urge to throw out all of the mismatched Tupperware containers and just start your life over 😅
— Dr. Lisa Munro (@llmunro) August 25, 2024
told my sister “had to postpone my cat’s third birthday party because I forgot I told my rock climbing gym id cohost game night that same day” and she just replied “I think you might be the most boyfriendless person in all of history”
— abby govindan (@abbygov) August 25, 2024
Adults having breakfast at a friend’s apartment before heading off to work is the biggest lie television ever told me.
— Maya Rupert (@MayaRupert) August 28, 2024
Death by a thousand small trips to the grocery store on the way home from work to get something you forgot to buy over the weekend.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 27, 2024
Today I went to the bank and asked if they had an atm. The guy said they had a drive thru. I said oh I walked here. He said that’s fine. I had to wait in line behind a car like this 🧍🏻♀️
— naomi (@lachancenaomi27) August 26, 2024
help your friends stay mentally sharp by sending texts so riddled with typos they end up doing a little word puzzle
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 25, 2024
Waiting for your laundry to finish before you go to bed feels like prison
— Renée 🐬 (@AmarRenee) August 25, 2024
I’m staying in my pajamas today because dress for the job you want and I want to be a Princess who sleeps for a hundred years.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 26, 2024
Has your extrovert friend forced you to interact with total strangers?? If so, you may be entitled to compensation
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 26, 2024
me: [puts on makeup for once to feel alive]
— nika (@nikalamity) August 24, 2024
nail technician: oh wow do you have an event today
fuuuuck i experienced unstructured time and allowed a thought to occur :-( im literally having thoughts right nowww
— van haley (@vanhaley_yt) August 25, 2024
Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU
— Midge (@mxmclain) August 26, 2024
Beautiful girl you have so many browser tabs open… Beautiful girl your laptop is overheating…
— pris (@pwiscila) August 26, 2024
whatever happened emotionally during the second half of may, the entirety of june, july and august can never happen again
— - (@_______yara) August 24, 2024
i'm so bummed to be single. how will i ever find another guy who brings absolutely nothing to the table
— tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa) August 25, 2024
I am sitting next to a French-speaking family at Whole Foods, and their son (maybe 8 or 9?) asked what I was doing on my laptop. I said: "I'm working on my lunch break." And he said, in an adorable French accent: "Ah! I did not know that people could work on their lunch breaks!"
— Laura J. Nelson 🦅 (@laura_nelson) August 27, 2024
Sunny D tastes like scientists made a bet they could make orange juice without the oranges
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🇬🇷🚩 (@LorazeKim) August 25, 2024
me: heyyyy
— trash jones (@jzux) August 25, 2024
the drawing board: not this bitch again
judge: order in the court
— Jenna SaysQuoi (@jennasaysquoi) August 25, 2024
defendant: sorry your honor, that's just my doordash
Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn't that deep.
— Amna (@AmnaBaaji) August 25, 2024
Men are addicted to taking horrible pictures of you that will ruin your entire day
— jan🦇 (@janepire) August 25, 2024
Asked my coworker what’s wrong & he said “I’m tired of faking that I like you guys” & honestly? Mood.
— Nikki (@TheNikkiRosa) August 26, 2024
How is it possible for a chin hair to go from too short to pluck yet to 2 inches overnight?
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) August 27, 2024
I just want what any woman wants for her birthday. Flowers, cake, bodily autonomy, pockets in every dress, and to be left the fuck alone when I’m wearing headphones.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 28, 2024
FOR THE LAST TIME if the day begins cloudy, it needs to stay that way because the vibes have been established and i refuse to adapt once again to that large goddamn star.
— anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) August 28, 2024
Really a huge relief that spending money on books doesn’t count as spending money. I got super lucky with that one
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) August 27, 2024