The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) August 5, 2024
this isn’t an insult but billie eilish looks like she would sit next to you in tenth grade algebra and never have her own pencil
— noa 🍉 (@thenoasletter) August 3, 2024
texting every man I know “hey what’s going on with the stock market?” as a little treat for them
— ellie schnitt ! (@holy_schnitt) August 5, 2024
When someone asks me to hang out after 8pm https://t.co/oX3tu0gBun
— Meagan ❄️ (@atlmeagsnow) August 3, 2024
[me, a people pleaser]: “no doctor that’s okay, whatever type of blood you have is fine”
— e l l a (@blondehotcoffee) August 5, 2024
someone else was the first person to text in the groupchat that walz was officially the VP pick before I'd read it anywhere.
— Kate Martin (@katekeepsit100) August 6, 2024
Luckily, I am a member of many group chats. I got to look cool in other places. Breaking news to friends is actually a mlm pyramid scheme
med school couples pic.twitter.com/QAc5kY2wMi
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) August 6, 2024
oh you like nyc? name every rat
— erica (@ericanextdooor) August 5, 2024
my threshold for tears is so low during the olympics. guy I knew nothing about 3 minutes ago sets a new olympic record in a sport I barely understand? baby I’m crying for him
— Katie Nolan (probably) (@katienolan) August 5, 2024
Not sure what u guys are talking abt ? ? my stocks are doing just fine 😎 pic.twitter.com/3ZTpdZ6GWu
— annie (@soychotic) August 5, 2024
Honestly, whenever I say “the other day” it could be anytime between two days ago and sometime in 1996
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) August 6, 2024
The Olympics is a minefield for those of us suffering from IHHOIHJTS (is he hot or is he just tall? syndrome)
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) August 4, 2024
No babe I like yours… you actually have a huge advantage at pole vaulting
— Kelsey Ryan (@420weedteen) August 5, 2024
i would tweet this to let you all know i was in a hostage situation https://t.co/bUNvTfXpSB
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 6, 2024
australian influencer drama is next level what do you mean you brought tequila to a baby’s funeral and then vlogged the funeral and also gave an unsolicited speech at the funeral, which again, was for a baby
— cathy (@catherinebouris) August 7, 2024
I’ve had some terrible ideas but never “chili restaurant in an airport” bad pic.twitter.com/URNDA1CwVr
— Midge (@mxmclain) August 5, 2024
There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.
— Heather (@heatherjs) August 5, 2024
the democrat party ticket: pic.twitter.com/XGUwPu0MU2
— Maia (@maiamindel) August 6, 2024
I'm not used to feeling hopeful. I don't know what to wear.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) August 6, 2024
My new baby cousin is half Bengali/ quarter Portuguese and a quarter Nigerian. And the first thing my uncle says is welcome to the world baby United Nations 😭😭😭😭😭
— xfhna (@xfxhna) August 6, 2024
I accidentally brought a ladybug into the laundromat with me. When she fell off my cart or my shoulder or wherever she was perched, a woman jumped up to stomp her and I panicked and screamed “STOP SHE’S MINE!” And now I gotta figure out how to get us both out of here.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 5, 2024
straight men were low-key right to yell “let’s gooooo” when something cool happens in sports. like what else is there to say? let’s literally go…. period
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) August 5, 2024
do you guys think snoop and martha have at least kissed
— Katie Nolan (probably) (@katienolan) August 5, 2024
Our medical system is like yeah this is serious and should be treated immediately see you in 10 months.
— Stephanie Sparkles (@SSparklesDaily) August 4, 2024
currently exhibiting behaviours that would make carrie bradshaw look sane
— mariana (@pastapilled) August 5, 2024
I just know Tim Walz could teach me how to drive stick shift without making me cry once
— Carrie Courogen (@carriecourogen) August 7, 2024
im constantly wearing normal outfits to work and my most zoomer coworker is always like “ok office siren” “it’s giving y2k futch” etc
— sophia (@pastoralcomical) August 6, 2024
My husband, on the phone to social security administration to report that they still have not recorded his mother's death (more than a year ago) and are still sending ss checks--
— Myna Chang (@MynaChang) August 5, 2024
--SS phone lady says: so are you reporting your own death?
--Hubs says: ....No... I'm alive.
😬
god i see what you have done for others https://t.co/F98GoAZOQb
— 💌 (@lavertigineee) August 5, 2024
god imagine having to parallel park the oscar meyer weinermobile i’m actually sweating thinking about it.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) August 5, 2024
i know i’m gonna be alone forever because one time i went on a date with a guy who told me he was an optometrist for the veterans association and i said “haven’t they seen enough”
— trash jones (@jzux) August 7, 2024
GOD, THANK YOU FOR SENDING MY BOSS A GIRLFRIEND!
— Mami Wata (@Andem___) August 6, 2024
He is going on holiday every other month and I have been wondering what changed. Ahh.
Women supporting women🤌!!
“Taco Bell isn’t even good” Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 5, 2024