The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform might be rebranding to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
It Happened To Me: I DM'd a friend and asked why I haven't seen her online in a while and then I realized it's because I muted her.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 25, 2023
innovation is everywhere pic.twitter.com/bEawHaHp9g
— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) July 27, 2023
i cant wait to make my small zit less noticeable by digging a large and horrific wound into my face
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) July 26, 2023
My dad just ended a conversation by saying, “it’s time for me to go sit in a different room,” and I’ll be stealing that
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 24, 2023
Why’s this cactus trying to fight me pic.twitter.com/W3KtYM0BRK
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 22, 2023
it’s cool that aliens are real and all but what the fuck am i supposed to do about that
— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) July 26, 2023
Husband and I were playing scrabble in a bar, upstate NY. Man looking over and starting conversation so we invite him to join. I played the word ‘MEAT’. He asks, “are bad words ok?”. We laugh, say yes. So he adds some letters to meat. Guys. I swear to god his word was ‘MEATCUNT’
— Honey (@benegotherit) July 26, 2023
a weighted blanket isn't enough, I need whatever is happening here pic.twitter.com/AYBeSfSQtH
— living morganism 🌱 (@ok_girlfriend) July 22, 2023
I sent my best friend flowers as a thank you for planning my bachelorette party and she opened the box and there was a lizard in it. there is now a lizard loose in her house. she cannot find him.
— S.LIZ (@slizagna) July 25, 2023
In line to see Barbie and people keep telling my boyfriend they “love his Ken.” The man is not dressed up pic.twitter.com/F64GIherjF
— eliza (@elizamclamb) July 25, 2023
my favorite thing about going to an art museum is when you see a picture you recognize but it’s enormous. wow! way bigger than you thought it would be. i do also enjoy when they are surprisingly small
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 24, 2023
honey, we have guests. grab the fine china pic.twitter.com/ehyt6fMOhQ
— The Notorious J.O.V. (@whotfisjovana) July 26, 2023
The hardest part of dating is having to tell your story all over again to a new person like you got accidentally hung up on by Tech Support
— Daley Haggar (@d_haggar) July 25, 2023
haven’t smoked weed in like 3 years and tonight I did and at first I was like oh why don’t I do this anymore it’s nice! and now i’m at the club manually breathing
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 23, 2023
a psychological thriller about polly’s clothes mysteriously disappearing and then the camera pans to me chewing furiously on her entire wardrobe https://t.co/8cYbyqjvvV
— em 🍓 (@uhhmmily) July 26, 2023
The soda machine at amc was completely out of Diet Coke on Barbie opening night women are so powerful
— Emily Faye (@mlefaye) July 23, 2023
my grandma, who can’t speak english, asked for a synopsis of my novel and interrupted me 30 seconds in to say she’d heard there was lots of sex but I seemed to be skirting around that part
— Ruth Madievsky (@ruthmadievsky) July 26, 2023
This is Brangelina for people who know the lyrics to Seussical. pic.twitter.com/QfFTFlIdH0
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 22, 2023
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) July 25, 2023
For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
- Jane ate her friend's colon.
My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 26, 2023
How my restaurant coworker decided to take some chocolate chips home pic.twitter.com/g0wJxMWiOs
— Alex Ateah (@alex_ateah) July 24, 2023
i just stubbed my toe in a way that made me understand nihilism
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) July 24, 2023
the women’s bathroom at a club is the closest we’ll ever get to Barbie World
— di@na (@averagediana) July 25, 2023
being a comic is so unserious, like hi my dream is to be a professional silly goose
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 24, 2023
when I have something to do at 3 pm and therefore can’t do anything for the rest of the day until it’s done pic.twitter.com/pXs7v8b2Iv
— (cowboy like) sophie (@littlesophiebug) July 24, 2023
ok my only actual Oppenheimer take is that it’s so unbelievably funny to be watching an intense period piece and have to be like “is that… josh peck?”
— trash jones (@jzux) July 23, 2023
See the problem is you have to keep the standard of your first day up otherwise your boss will notice when you eventually started slacking so she’s just shot herself in the foot really https://t.co/H9GQr2lvd6
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 25, 2023
USA: our airport codes are shorted versions of the city’s name, or an abbreviation of the airport
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) July 25, 2023
Europe: our airport codes are shorted versions of the city’s name, or an abbreviation of the airport
Canada: EVERY AIRPORT CODE IS THE LETTER Y PLUS FRIENDS
what did he mean by this pic.twitter.com/rn1QKcvJkz
— laura 🦠 (@ecto_fun) July 26, 2023
I hate this app so much. This rebrand is awful. If you need to reach me, you can find me here engaging in content and regularly posting
— Amy Gaeta (@GaetaAmy) July 24, 2023