The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 7, 2024
me when I have shaved my legs: I adore to have smooth legs, like a baby dolphin
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 8, 2024
me when I have not had time to shave my legs: actually removing body hair is a tool of the patriarchy and I won’t be complicit this time round
Just typed the word “we’d’ve.” Real contraction heads won’t be fazed by that type of deep cut
— sydney (@mornings0da) July 7, 2024
my wife: you look like you’re delivering the mail
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) July 5, 2024
me: what do you mean pic.twitter.com/8Xu6qWQOBP
addicted to 22 year old love island contestants saying they haven’t felt this happy in a very long time
— meg (@bymeg) July 9, 2024
my sister just murdered me in the family group chat pic.twitter.com/wNNCi3eBdR
— zoë rose bryant (@zoerosebryant) July 9, 2024
My parents: do you want to go do this errands with us?
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 7, 2024
Me, a 43 year old woman: can we get ice cream after?
This older woman saw me crying and said “whatever it is pray about it”. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was crying because Wendy’s was closed and I had my heart set on a meal 😭😭😭😭
— $. (@_sapphirelove) July 9, 2024
oh, you’re in a situationship?
— nads (@_gonads) July 7, 2024
are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self worth?
“Oh my god” is my favorite expression, because if you remove any of the 3 words, it has the same exact meaning, just in a very different tone
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 7, 2024
Just discovered that this whole time when I said Gen Z, my auntie thought I was saying talking about an absolutely unhinged but badass friend I had whose full name was Gennifer. I learned this because she asked me today “how is your friend Gennifer Z doing these days?”
— Nikita Gill (@nktgill) July 7, 2024
my mom didn't raise a quitter, she raised someone so afraid of failure that they don't even start something
— ً (@soymeii) July 10, 2024
Buying this for when the police come and tell me that my rich husband died in mysterious circumstances pic.twitter.com/4WVDRGsuBW
— Dr Helen Ingram (@drhingram) July 7, 2024
As a kid I thought Prince was singing “raspberry parade” & was like hell yeah brother take fruit celebration to the streets
— 𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜 (@goldimocks) July 7, 2024
Lea Michele used to have story highlights on insta - one clip was her cooking what she called a veggie scramble and it was just one piece of broccoli with some spinach and I watched it every few days to make sure it was real and now it’s gone. I’ll miss her (the scramble)
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) July 10, 2024
Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) July 9, 2024
when I was in my twenties someone from my school got in touch with me over Facebook, apologising for having bullied me relentlessly for three years, and I was very confused because honestly I’d never noticed
— Noreen Masud (@NoreenMasud) July 8, 2024
a mouse leaving his house: phone… wallet…. cheese….
— ELLIE!!! (@ikeasIut) July 8, 2024
Hallmark has an untapped market for movies about other holidays. Where is the film about the busy city gal who returns to her hometown for Fourth of July and is swept off her feet by nine-fingered Jed, who is struggling to save his father's failing fireworks stand at the Walmart?
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 8, 2024
i don’t dress for the male or female gaze i dress for the 2 hours i spend gazing at myself before i go out for 1 hour
— ceciATL (@ceciATL) July 9, 2024
I visited my grandpa today and he told me an idea he had about how D-Day could have been done differently but conceded that it was “a bit too late” to be a useful plan
— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) July 8, 2024
scientists are calling me "the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal" saying things like "she's just so careful" and "i don't know how she does it"
— das kupotal (@pawgtism) July 9, 2024
Thinking about how when I was in high school, my friend would say the pledge over the intercom everyday, and on the day Midnight Memories leaked she said “one direction under god” and then she had lunch detention for a week
— maya 🪩 (@allmychampagne) July 9, 2024
My boyfriend is trying to teach me how to play dark souls right now and it feel like when your dad is trying to do your math homework with you while you cry at the kitchen table
— isabel (@wisepissmage) July 10, 2024
No one talks about the joie de vivre gap relationships
— Stephanie Wambugu (@snjeriwambugu) July 9, 2024
Who is the most annoying protagonist in a song and why is it the guy from Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye, I’m on her side, she should have cut you off
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 9, 2024