The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
when people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it” i’m like, oh you do not know what i’m capable of
— erica (@ericanextdooor) June 1, 2024
I am moving and people keep telling me to “lift with my legs” honey if you put a gun to my head and asked me what body part i’m even lifting with I could not tell you so let’s start there
— ellie schnitt! (@holy_schnitt) June 1, 2024
my brain when i’m hormonal and overstimulated pic.twitter.com/OJ1QMj36WW
— Sarah (@itssarahdutcher) June 2, 2024
oh, we’re just gonna “play it by ear?” [starts sweating] we aren’t making a reservation? [gnawing at fingernails] oh, we don’t even have a restaurant picked out? or a general time? we’re just gonna “see what the vibe is” day of? [begins bashing head into wall] no, im chill :)
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) June 2, 2024
saying “this is before your time” to the dog whenever a song plays in the car bc he is two years old so it’s almost always true and always funny
— kels (@sweetnormie) June 2, 2024
made my therapist laugh until she had tears in her eyes & fell out of the zoom frame nothing can stop me now i am her favorite this is what peak performance looks like i have won all of therapy
— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) June 4, 2024
Talking to someone who mentioned they have a printer pic.twitter.com/dweXtpbPSC
— Tina Sieben (@wnbawife) June 3, 2024
there was an aquarium projector in the MRI today and they had to pause the scan twice to say “please stop moving your head to watch the fish.” i am 31 years old
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) June 4, 2024
me: man i could really use some dopamine right now
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) June 5, 2024
my brain: best i can do is an intrusive thought about your cat dying
me: but i don’t have a cat
my brain: but what if you did? and it died?
Every day someone in California is like “went on a walk” and then proceeds to post the most breathtaking landscapes god has to offer
— shreya (@shreyabasu003) June 2, 2024
my uncle got divorced when I was younger because his wife cheated on him. however she had a really yummy cream cheese dip recipe so whenever we made it they called it “whore dip”
— birdie 🤣 (@dangbozo) June 2, 2024
fella pupa pic.twitter.com/L2bXJwTllT
— music struggles & wins (@musicstruggles1) June 4, 2024
no one would be able to tell it was my first rodeo bc i would’ve googled it a bunch beforehand
— chase (@_chase_____) June 4, 2024
Hate when the person sitting next to me on the subway notices me shamelessly reading their texts and starts tilting it out of my view like c’mon lemme have a lil read it’s just me c’mon who am I gonna tell it’s only me
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) June 4, 2024
removing makeup before going to sleep should be one of a husband's duties
— ʚїɞ (@6len0022) June 2, 2024
a music festival but it starts at 9am and it’s in the fall and they pause for lunchtime and there’s coffee and a convenience store and nothing costs more than $7 and it’s over by 7pm
— the elder emo (@theelderemox) June 3, 2024
I wish you could Shazam birds. What’s the one that goes “ooou ooh ooh..ooh…..oooh” I love that one would love to follow his work
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) June 6, 2024
crazy how seeing a cyber truck in person will ruin your whole day
— mariaa (@MariaZaoutis) June 3, 2024
saying "EMBARGOED" at the beginning of all my gossip so people don't repeat it
— Madeleine Aggeler (@mmaggeler) June 4, 2024
i’m a yapper who likes other yappers to interrupt so we can bounce chaotic ideas back and forth off each other and go on 10 different yap tangents
— Kemi Marie (they/them) (@kemimarie) June 4, 2024
Or have we considered….. kids grocery store no adults allowed. You send your kid in with a picture list and a tiny cart and if they need help they ask a fellow toddler. Fake money only, but real food https://t.co/tneftn9dBQ
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) June 4, 2024
travis kelce better figure out a way to get himself back to the eras tour or else we’re going to end up hearing the monday night football theme song on the piano
— catland 🐍🖤✨ (@DBATCats) June 3, 2024
That “I remember when I lost my mind” trend on TikTok is kinda making me feel like maybe I just don’t like the male species enough 😭😭😭 you guys are literally insane???
— Lisa (@lisakhat_) June 4, 2024
Before marrying there should be a compatibility test with questions such as: “Do you believe that little pocket in the car door is for garbage yes or no?”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 2, 2024
Good news: I finally figured out what I want for dinner
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 4, 2024
Bad news: it’s midnight now
I love how when you try to book a hotel now all these sites will advertise rooms at a certain price until the moment you’re about to pay and then they’re like you fool, you stupid naive baby how could you not consider the property tax and the tourist tax and the city tax and th
— big honkin caboose (@itsmegangraves) June 4, 2024
It appears I’ve bought a witch’s microwave pic.twitter.com/62UKYo6XaH
— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) June 4, 2024
I’ve had a lot of gay sex but the gayest thing I’ve EVER done is drive my ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend to the airport.
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 2, 2024
and the VERY gayest thing I’ve ever done is that she is my ex-girlfriend now too
I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.
— Shelbi Blackstone (@therealsoulsoup) June 6, 2024
If you’re a student right now, you should know that this is a great time to be a terrible writer. Your teachers see five run-on sentences, three comma splices, and a dangling modifier, and were like “Oh, thank god. This kid is a THINKER! A-.”
— Shannon 🐀 Finck (@shannonbgoode) June 4, 2024